Wordless Wednesday

He's "helping"

I talked to Jesse last night about how he's falling down on the job when it comes to helping with the kitchen. His excuse? "I thought cleaning up after dinner meant that I had to put the leftovers away!"

Yeah. Because 30 seconds of spooning leftovers into tupperware is the kind of help I was looking for in the kitchen. Not to mention that we don't always even have leftovers. Not to mention (even further) that he doesn't even do it anyway! I put the leftovers away! Augh!

In calmer, cuter nesws - Elle has recently shown a real interest in rubbing tissues and napkins on things to "clean" them. I should see if I can get her to scrub the floor.

Tackle It Tuesday

I have 4 billion things that need to be done around the house but todays TiT is a little different.

Part 1: Fill out the 10,000 pieces of paperwork I need to do for Joseph's 3 year IEP re-assesment. (This is going to take a while.)

Part 2: Try to get a hold of someone about getting Joseph into the Mobile Assesment Unit so that he can be seen by a group of people who can get him a diagnosis. Call the Mental Health Triage Nurse I met last night to get a formal referal to a new behavioral therapist. I also have to talk to her about accessing Family Home Therapy. (So much to do but it's all really positive stuff!)

Part 3: Kick some butt. Back when I started getting into the swing of cooking dinner more regularly Jesse and I agreed that if I did the cooking he would take care of the cleaning up after. I've slowly started to notice that when I go to cook dinner now my first step has to be to clean up from last night's dinner because no one else has done it. This will not stand.

Part 4: General pick-up all over the house. Boring.

Update! - re part 2: The main person I need to get ahold of is out of the office all week. I left her a message to call me and if she hasn't called me by Monday I'll call her back. Small setback.

Taking Zicam while breastfeeding

OK, I get like 3 or 4 hits a day from people looking to find out if it's ok to take Zcam while you are nursing. And the answer is:

Don't. In fact, don't take any medication while you are nursing unless you have talked to your doctor about it first. Pretty much every medication you can take will make it's way into your breastmilk find out from your doctor if it's ok or not.

And please, please, please talk to a medical proffesional about this type of thing. Don't rely on stangers on the internet to give you important information about stuff like this because most of the time they won't know what they're talking about. Thank you.

A great deal of deals

If you're like me you love a good deal. I clip and collect coupons like a crazy lady. I just like to save money. So sue me. Or rather, don't sue me because I'm going to pass on little tip to you. If you're looking for web coupons, couponchief is a great place to find them. They have coupons, codes and deals from an amazing number of retailers.

The site is really easy to use too. You can browse the coupons on the site by catagories, by store name or by keyword search. With everything from deals on Disney to coupns for Weight Watchers you're sure to find something you can use. So be sure to check out couponcheif for some fantastic deals.

The words and opinions in this blog post are purely my own. This post was sponsored by PayPerPost.

Problem Girl

"Why 'Problem Girl'?" I was recently asked. Here's why "Problem Girl".

I was always a really shy kid. It wasn't too big of a problem when I was young because I still managed to make friends easily. People said I was nice and funny and that seemed to make up for the shyness. So I was always a little quiet with people I didn't know well but otherwise, it was ok.

Then one day something strange happened. All of the sudden all the other little girls around started growing up. They talked about boys all the time. I couldn't figure out why the same boys we had run away from shrieking last year were now the same boys they thought were "cute" (or, in painful 80's speak "fine"). I thought the boy crazy talk was stupid and pointless. I still wanted to play Barbies.

Things got worse. At a pretty young age I shot up and out and my body changed in ways that I have still not gotten 100% comfortable with. Boys started to look at me diffrently. I hated it. (I hate it still. Just because I have a big ole' pair of boobies on my chest doesn't mean I don't have eyes on my face. Look up when you talk to me please!) Add to this my general confusion about why boys were supposed to be such a big deal to me and you have one confused and uncomfortable little girl.

Even though I matured physicaly at a young age I never really developed the same interest in clothes, hair and makeup that so many of my friends did. I'm still that way. Give me a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, a ponytail holder and a tube of chapstick and I'm a happy camper. I'm just not into that other stuff most of the time. I'm fine with that now but at the time it just served to set me even further apart from the other girls I knew. I don't think my mom ever understood my lack of interest in girly things either and it was sometimes a point of contention with us.

Things got worse. We moved to Germany where I went to a very small cliqueish school. You were either "in" or you were "out". Way out. There was no in between. I was lost. At least in California there were people that knew that I was funny and nice even if they did think I was weird. In Germany people just thought I was weird. And since they were just kids too they never bothered trying to learn anything else about me. And I was too shy to get them to see anything else about me.

During those 3 years in Germany I felt worse and worse about myself. I was an easy target. I never stood up for myself no matter what was done or said to me. There was one boy who was in several classes with my who would grab my breasts in front of the other students (and sometimes even teachers). No one tried to stop him. I actually started to blame myself, to blame my own body for what was happening to me. "If only I didn't stand out so much people would just leave me alone."

By the time we moved to Colorado I was a wreck inside. I don't think I let it show at home how I felt. I know that I fought with my parents a lot and made life pretty miserable for all of us but I don't think I ever told them why I was acting that way. I was pretty sure it was all my fault. Anyway, if a teacher could see another kid do something like put gum in my hair and do nothing to stop it then what could my parents do for me?

Things got worse. The school I went to in Colorado had a lot of well-to-do kids. They drove flashy cars, wore expensive clothes and in general looked down on people who didn't do the same. At this point my early maturation was no longer an issue since the other girls had caught up to me (although not all the way up if you get my drift) and I had taken to wearing clothes 10 sizes too big for me anyway. Now I was an outcast for other reasons.

For some reason that I've never fully understood a lot of people I went to school with thought I was a lesbian. Not a good thing to be labled as when you go to a conservative, uptight school a stones throw away from Focus on the Family (and several other religious groups). How can you prove to people that you're not gay when they want to believe that you are? Anyway, the lesbian thing wasn't what was important. It was just one more thing for people to rip into me about. From being a lesbian, to the fact that my jeans were always to short. I heard it all and I heard it every day. Because I didn't know how to stop it I even started to blame myself for all the harassment I was getting. "If I just wasn't so stupid/uncool/ugly/weak then people would leave me alone."

Aside from the memories I have of a few very good friends (two in particular who I really think were all that kept me from just giving in and giving up) I have no good memories of those three years of school in Colorado. Do you ever walk past someone and they laugh and you think to youself "Are they laughing at me?" for one second? No imagine how you would feel if it turned out that they really were laughing at you. And it happened over and over and over again. I no longer felt funny or nice, I just felt bad. It takes a long time to get over that.

Happily, 10+ years after it all ended I have managed to get over it. I've slowly remembered that I am funny and nice. I'm smart too and I'm a good person. And frankly, the fact that I can even say that stuff about myself and mean it? Impresses the living fuck right out of me.

So why "Problem Girl"? Because even though I'm over it I will always have the memory of those past hurts. You never heal 100% from wounds that deep. Even though most days I'm great (and I am great, when it comes right down to it I've got an awesome life) there are still occasional times when I feel like the whole world is just laughing at me behind my back. And I need an occasional reminder that I am ok. And it's cheesy and it's silly but for me that reminder comes in the form of a song by Rob Thomas. Hey, it's good for me ok? You gotta do what works.

"Problem Girl"
Don't let 'em get where they're going to
You know they're only what they think of you
You heard of this emotional trickery
And you felt like you were learning the ropes
But where you're going now you don't know

And when the kids on the street say
What's your problem girl
And the weight of their smile's just
Too much for you to bear
When they all make you feel
Like you're a problem girl
Remember
You're no problem at all
You're no problem at all

Pride like promises can let you down
You thought that you'd be feeling
Better by now
You worry all the things they could do to you
You worry about the things they could say
Maybe you're seeing things the wrong way

Try
If you stand or you fall
You're no problem at all

A little reading

Elle was so happy that I cleaned the junk chair off that she decided to climb up into it.


And then she did a little reading.


I had a really cute picture of Joseph I was going to put up here but it was of him from the side and when I looked at it closely I realized that you could see right into his ears and they were so dirty and waxy that anyone who saw the picture might report me to Child Protective Services for letting my child walk around like that. So, there will be none of that.

Lessons learned

What lessons did the kids learn yesterday? Elle learned that just because you can eat crayons does not mean that you should eat crayons. Joseph learned that no matter how upset it makes you I will not be able to stop myself from laughing if you're playing a game and you scream out to me "Mommy! My balls are out of control!"

Yesterday we the 5 year anniversary of Joseph's adoption. I have a lot of ooshy-gooshy thoughts about that but I'm not able to get them organized. It's sort of overwhelming when I think about it. I'll just say (for now) that we took him out to dinner and a highlight was when he broke out him impression of me yelling at him. "This is what she sounds like on Christmas 'Joseph! Open those presents!' and this is what she sounds like on Thanksgiving 'Joseph! Eat all your stuffing!' and this is what she sounds like when we're in Scotland 'Joseph! Put on a skirt and do an Irish jig!'" Ay yi yi.

Light it up

You know, when you live in a house as old as ours is there's always something that needs to be fixed. There's always some project that you want to get to to make your house nice, more your own. Take the light by our medicine cabinet. It's ugly. There's no two ways about it. It ugly now and I can't imagine that it was ever not ugly. What makes it even worse is that now the fixture is cracked and yellowing. It's time for an update.

I found this light fixture at Shoppremier that would look great in our bathroom. Maybe even too great since the rest of our bathroom is done in a Sponge Bob theme. Oh well, they have a lot of other great bathroom lights too.

With free shipping on orders over $100 I just might have to do a bit more browsing around at Shoppremier for a bunch of light fixtures
The words and opinions in this blog post are purely my own. This post was sponsored by PayPerPost.

Adventures in Google

I always feel a little bad when people come to my blog because they've googled something and somehow got the idea that I had information about it. So as a public service, let me answer a few google queries.

PROBLEM THAT RAVEN-SYMONE HAVE FACE - Er. Hmmmm. I don't think she has a problem with her face other than it looks like her eyebrows were drawn on with a Sharpie. I'll have to look into this one further.

driving when you are drunk disadventages - Well, you could die. You could kill someone. You could get arrested. Those are just a few. Now let's talk about the disadventages of using Google while being a dumbass.

will standing in dog mess harm the baby when your pregnant - I'm sorry, I can't offer any help here. All I can do is imagine someone stepping in dog poop and standing there thinking "Oh no! Is this ok for the baby? I have to google this!" And seriously, unless you're up to your nose in the stuff or rubbing into open open sores, why would it hurt your baby? As an aside, I always cracks me up when people "ask" google questions.

raven symone how much is he worth - I'm not sure if this is aking what Raven Symone is worth is you're asking Raven Symone what someone is worth. The answer to either question is: $1.12.

A couple of other hits I've gotten that I no longer have the log for are:

does pregnancy trigger labor - Yeah, I think this is a pretty big cause of labor.

does spaghetti trigger labor - Yes. Spaghetti has just the right combination of pasta and sauce to trigger labor. It's like nature's pitocin.

where does Raven Symone have her abortions - I .... um.... hmmmm.... I'm gonna have to do a little research on this one.

breastfeeding Zicam - You can try it if you want to but I'm pretty sure it's not going to work. Freak.

Wanna help me out? Click and find out how to get paid to blog.

An announcment

The blog entry before this was simply an experiment. I'm just trying out some Pay Per Post stuff. Please continue to think I'm awesome and not just a whore for the digital doll industry.

Doll Maker

If you liked to play with paper dolls as a kid then you have to check out this doll making site: Dress Up Games It's insanly addictive. I could probably spend hours working on one doll alone. There are almost limitless options. You can customize things like the body base, clothing (this has tons of options), facial features, hair style and color, make-up style and color, shoes and much more. You can even add a background. Here's a doll made using the princess theme.

The best part is that once you've created a doll an HTML code is given to you so that you can use your doll on places like MySpace or as in instant messager icon. Here's a doll made using the Greek Goddess theme.

It's a fun site with lots of free stuff to do and try. If you pay a small fee you can upgrade and get even more stuff to create with. Check it out if you have a chance because it really is lots of fun! If you're really into doll making the site even has "fashion shows" and contests that you can enter. (Ben, you should probably check that out!)
The words and opinions in this blog post are purely my own. This post was sponsored by PayPerPost.

Wordless Wednesday

An oldie but a goodie.

Liquid diet

Since I seem unable to kick this stomach flu my doctor has put me on a liquid diet for 2 days. For the 2 days after that I have have soft mushy foods, heavy on the yogurt which she says will help restore all the enzymes and bacteria in my bowel. Lovely! It's day one of the liquid part of the diet and I'm ready to start chewing the walls. I told Jesse I'm going to stay up till everyone has gone to bed and then make and eat an entire pan of brownies. I'm so hungry. I'm not really looking forward to the part of the diet where I eat yogurt. I really, really don't like that stuff. But at this point I would happily eat a bowlful of yogurt over one more sip of chicken broth.

Sigh. I'm so hungry.

Enjoy!

I've got a stomach flu of some kind. I'm too weak to say much more than that. Oh, one thing. The other night I spent over three hours on the phone talking to someone with a delightful southern drawl. Now I find that the voices in my head are talking to me that way too. It's a nice change of pace.

By the way, if you're not reading Lately Bothered also linked over there on the right) then you are missing out on some funny, funny stuff. Come for the animated story about buying a sandwich, stay for being told that you smell like beef and cheese.

Killer rabbit

I have a confession to make. I ...... cannot draw. Not to save my life. My dad can draw but I did not get any of his natural ability. My mom used to not be able to draw but she started learning how and now she's pretty good too. So I figured I would give it a try using some drawing books to teach me. Here are the results.
If you ignore the fact that this bee is missing a couple of legs it's actually not that bad of a drawing.
It's acutally freaking me out a little bit. (shudder) Bees...

Ok, this is a pretty cute little mouse. Hey, maybe I'm not too bad at this after all!



Well look at that cute little hampster type thing. That's pretty good! Hey, I'm an artist!









Andit all falls apart. Not only is this drawing really, really bad, it looks like it wants to come alive and eat my brains. How did I manage to make a simple little rabbit look so evil? That's the end of my drawing career.

Tackle It Tuesday

It's Tuesday again. Please be kind.

This is Joseph's art desk. Needless to say he can't use it as is. He can't even find his art supplies under all that mess. Poor boy.


Here is the desk after I tackled it. The harderst part was throwing away some of his little art projects. My mom instinct tells me to hang onto every little piece of paper he ever scribbles on. My survival instinct tells me that if I don't start throwing things away once in a while I'm going to the the first person ever to die after being buried in an avalanche of paper and stickers and glue. (Joseph wants me to point out that one his drawings is hanging up there on the left side.

Does your house have a junk drawer? Ours does. It also has a junk chair. In addition to being uncomfortable and kind of ugly this chair also has the tendency to fall over if you blink to rapidly while sitting in it. Hence, it has become a dumping ground for all kinds of things - library books, clean clothes, dirty clothes, toys, things that need to be taken upstairs, things that need to be taken downstairs and so on and so on.

And here's the chair after. I like how it looks like there's a heavenly light from above shining down on the now clean chair. You'll note that I've covered it up with a Disney Princess throw to try and hide the "old lady" look of the chair. It occures to me though that having the chair clean might actually be a safety hazzard. Now people might try to sit in it.

Surrogacy update

So my surrogacy update is ...... that there's really no update. We're a teeny, tiny step closer to getting the legal stuff done and I should be getting the contracts fairly soon. Other than that there's nothing new. I'm going to continue to try to be zen about all this.

In other news, Joseph won an award at school for "making positive behavior choices in the lunchroom". Translated to english that means he was good at lunch. He was pretty pleased about the whole thing. I was too because I know how lunch has been a struggle for him. It was nice for him to get some positive feedback. He got a certificate and a pair of sunglasses. What more could you ask for?

Elle continues her quest to be the cutest baby ever. If you say "Hi princess" to her she'll repreat it right back to you. She's such a sweetie.

Butter brains, er, braids

I'm so lazy today. I don't want to do anything other than lay on the couch. I'm hungry but I'm too lazy to get myself something. The beauty of my couch plan is that there's probably enough food under the cushions to keep me fed for a week. If I could get someone to come by and pour a little water into my mouth every so often I could be set.

I'm soooooo lazy today. How lazy am I? I'm so lazy that at some point this afternoon I got a S'mores Ritz Bitz ground into my sweater and I didn't even notice it until Elle started picking it out and eating it. I let her continue. Hey, either she cleaned it up or I had to. I think there might be a carbon monoxide leak in our house. I don't know, I'm too lazy to check the detector.

Anyone want to buy a Butter Braid? Joseph's school is having yet another fund raiser and this time they're selling Butter Braids. For only $8 you can have a hand braided pastry with layers of 100% real butter, filled with a delicious variety of fruit filling. (I'm too lazy to come up with my own description. I totally copied that off the flyer that got sent home.) Butter Braids come in the following varietys: cherry, apple, cinnamon, blueberry/cream cheese, cream cheese, raspberry and caramel roll. Doesn't that sound good? Don't you want to buy one or twelve so that my son's school can afford to buy books and computers and stun guns (or whatever itis that they're using to keep kids in line these days).

A few pictures

When this girl sleeps, she sleeps!


I don't know why this picture is fuzzy but I had to share it because it's so sweet. Joseph is reading a story to Elle to keep her entertained while I run to the bathroom. He's such a good baba.

Hate made pretty

When I was pregnant with Elle I had brieflt considered finding a doula to assist me with my labor and delivery. This idea kind of fell away after I decided that I would rather have my mom there with me during the whole thing. I figured that between her and Jesse I would have all the support I needed. And I was right, they were awesome. Then, when I started to consider a surrogate pregnancy I thought how nice it would be to have someone in the room during the birth who was really there just to focus on me. Since I knew I woulld not be comfortable asking my mom to be at the birth of someone else's baby I started thinking about finding a doula.

I did a little searching online and I met a woman with 25 years of birthing experience. She seemed really great. I exchanged probably a dozen emails with her. We discussed all the aspects of my last pregnancy/birth, what problems I had, how I would hope for this labor/delivery to go, on and on and on. Then I told here that nothing was set in stone regarding the surrogacy yet and once it was I would get in touch with her again.

A couple of months pass and then just a couple of days ago I get an email from her just checking in. I respond that there has been no change in my situation yet but that I had done some more research and I was really certain that I would like to have a doula at the birth. I said that I just needed to a) get pregnant and b) run it past the IFs first. Not 5 mintues later she responds asking me if this is a surrogacy for 2 gay men. A little alarm in my brain went "uh oh" but I ignored it. Up until now this woman had been very sweet and kind and very open. So I responded yes, it was for a gay couple.

Then I got her response. She told me that what I was doing was wrong. That she could have no part in bringing a child into that enviroment. That anyone who chooses to engage in that lifestyle should not be having children. That she could not condone what I and the IFs were doing and in fact, thought it was a sin. The topper was that she closed the letter by saying that when I became pregnant she would have no choice but to refer me to another doula.

Bitch, please. The only response she got from me was that I would not be needing her referal or anything else from her in the future. She emails again. This time it's to tell me that it's nothing personal but her faith tells her that being gay is wrong and that I'm wrong for helping them to have a child.

Oh, how very nice for her. Her faith tells her that. I know several religious people (who I'm sure read the same bible as this woman) who have said what a geat thing this is. How is it that their faith says "rock on" and her faith says "ack! The gays are evil!"? And when did "faith" become a valid reason for hate?

Because that's what I feel like this is about. You can dress it up with whatever you want to but hate, ignorance and intolerance are still hate, ignorance and intolerance. You can hide behind faith or morals or ethics or "family values" but it all comes down to being uncomfortable with a way of life that's different from your own. (And just so it's clear that I'm not a hypocrite, I don't hate religious people. I just don't like it when someone's personal faith is used as a weapon.)

Now maybe all of this is just really easy for me to say. I'm not a religious person. I've never had to wrestle with the issue of "love the sinner, hate the sin". All i know is this: If this surrogacy every gets rolling (and that's a whole nother can of worms) I'll be proud of my part in it. I'll be happy that I helped bring a child to two parents who loved and wanted it so very much. And I'll most likely be doing it sans doula as this woman has made me a little gun shy. I admit, I somewhat naievly thought that since most people seem to be ok with the whole deal everyone would be.

Oh well, lesson learned. On to the next day.

Wordless Wednesday

Tackle It Tuesday

My very first Tackle it Tuesday! Like I said in my last post I already did a ton of other housework today but for my TiT project I chose two things.

The first thing is the end cupboard in the kitchen. It gets really cluttered so it's hard to use my breadmaker and my nice new mixer. This is actually pretty tame compared to what it can be like but it's still not as nice as I would like it to be. Here I have these two really nice kitchen appliances and then I don't even want to use them because they're such a hassle to get to.

Next is Joseph's living room book/magazine case. The poor kid can't even see what books he has. You almost hate to walk by the thing because if you create too much of a breeze the whole thing is liable to explode.





Here's the kitchen counter after I cleaned it off. Ooooooh, shiny. And you'll not that the appliances are actually plugged in and usable. Fancy.




And here's Joseph's bookshelf after tackling. I just noticed there's still a block on the floor by the toy box. Opps! But at least the shelf is clean!

The hardest thing was to not just pick things up and move them to another wrong spot. I did it though! I know it seems like a small thing but I still feel good about it. Awesome days.

Blog Party

How fun is this? I recently discovered this really fun website (thanks IDAT) with a ton of neat stuff. They have contests and theme days and a lot of other ways to interact with other bloggers. This blog party is just a way to get to see some new blogs and to get people to your blog and to make new friends. Check it out if your a blogger and a woman. You don't have to be a mom to get involved.

One of the themes this site does is "Tackle It Tuesday". The idea is to post a picture of a house project that you want to tackle and then post another picture after it's done. After I've tackled getting the camera to work I'm going to do my first TiT post. (Because that's what this blog needs, more tit talk.) Ack! Do I really want to air all my dirty laundry? Literally?

I think it will be a good thing. Just reading what some of the other women did inspired me to put away 3 baskets of clean laundry, load and unload the dishwasher, pick up the living room, put new pillowcases on all the pillows, scrub the toilet and go through a pile of Joseph's school stuff. And I haven't even done my main tackle yet! This can't be a bad thing!

Nursery Days

A while ago I was thinking how sad it is that my kids are growing up without listening to the folk music that I listened to and loved as a kid. I was raised on folk music. It helped to shape who I am today. When I was young I liked the songs just because I thought they were fun to sing along to. As I got older I started to think about what the songs actually meant and what that meant to me. It's not a stretch to say that the music I listened to as a kid helped to turn me into an adult who often looks at what's going on the world and says "What in the hell is all this about and can't something be done about this?".

So you can see why I would want to pass the gift of folk music on to my kids. I knew that an abrupt switch from what the kids usually listen to would not go over well. So I looked for something that would be a good way to ease them into how great folk music really is. And I found Woody Guthrie's Nursery Days.

Ok, I love Woodiy Guthrie. I loved him as a kid and I love him still. This cd is ...... not good. It sounds like someon's drunken uncle sittinng on the front porch and yelling out whatever comes into his head. How can I get my children to love folk music with this rambling/yodeling playing on the cd player?

The worst part is that the cd back cover says the cd comes with "Woody Guthrie's wonderful instructions about how these songs should be used by parents and children alike". The instructions read like someone's drunken uncle sitting on the porch and writing a letter to the editor of his local paper. Some parts are ok but some parts you almost can't understand. Like this: "Please, please, please, don't read nor song my songs like no lesson book, like no text for today. But, let them be a little key to sort of unlock and let down all of your old bars. I'm not trying to bait not trick the little fellers into tearing through all of their fun to my songs. I know the kids will blow their tops."

Huh, you don't say. So here's the question? Is it me? Have I been ruined forever by the slick, over-produced music of the Backyardagains and the Disney Channel? Have I lost some of the childish wonder and love for pure music that I used to have? Or is it possible that this really is a bad cd? All I know for sure is that this attempt to introduce the kids to the joy of folk was not succesful. My hope is that my next attempt goes better than the last one did.

Help!

I need someone to help me make my blog prettier. I'm tired of this basic layout. Anyone willing to spare a little time to help an internet dummy be a little less lame?

What?

Elle has a bunch of new words all of the sudden. She says "zorts" and that means "dessert". She uses it whenever she sees something she wants to eat or whenever she tastes something she likes. Everything is zorts to Elle. She says "pudges" for "pajamas". That's pretty cute. She says something that sounds a lot like "bullshit" but I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean. "What's this?" maybe. She says "buhbay" for Barbie. It's so fun to hear her say all this new stuff.