Randomosity

I am giving away a breast pump. If you would like to win it you can enter here.

Today Elle and I went to the hardware store to buy telephone wire. We couldn't find what we were looking for but we did find a blueberry bush. When Elle saw it her eyes lit up and she squealed with joy. Now we own a blueberry bush.

Jesse gives me my hormone shots and we have discovered that there is no way to talk about it without it sounding really dirty. "Stick it in fast and make sure it's in all the way."

If you are in the mood for having your heart smashed into a million pieces then watch the movie Dear Zachary. It's an amazing documentary and so very, very well done. I watched it on Friday and I am still recovering from it today.

Coach on Survivor might be the most delusional person I have ever seen on reality tv. I always wonder if he really believes the stuff he's telling people. He can't really believe that a tribe of Amazons really wanted to eat his butt, can he? Because if he does he is the only person in the entire world who believes that.

We have decided to take the lazy approach to our garden. We're slapping a fence around it and calling it a day. Maybe next year we'll be organized enough for raised beds but this year we're going to see how well our vegetables do when we are total slackers.

Joseph has lost another of his top teeth. The entire top front of his mouth is empty except for one front tooth that's coming in. I don't know how me manages to eat anything. He sure does have a crazy cute smile now though.

Tomorrow I am joining a gym. Look forward to my update in two weeks where I quit a gym. I am afraid. Very, very afraid.

Two years ago I had the most beautiful daughter. I still do of course.
Four years ago today I had problems with eye jelly.

Alternate titles for Survivor

1. You're Old and Jeff Probst Hates You
2. The Jeff Probst Variety Hour
3. Jeff Probst Kind of Wishes You Would Walk in Front of a Bus
4. Hot Young Dudes That Jeff Probst Loves and Then Some Other People
5. The Penis Hour
6. Just How Big is the Stick That Jeff Probst Has Up His Butt?
7. America's Funniest Head Injuries
8. Sugar, Not as Annoying as You Might Have Thought at First But Still Just as Stupid
9. The Jeff Probst Enforced Leader Picking Show
10. Jeff Probst Turns Into a Cranky Old Man Right Before Your Very Eyes

Survivor tidbits

Dear Eliza,
I have never, in all of my many seasons of watching Survivor, ever seen anything funnier than you having the following conversation with Jason:
E: That can't be the immunity idol!
J: Yes it is!
E: No! It can't be!
J: Uhhhh...... why?
E: Because it's just A STICK!
I laughed loud and I laughed long. It was the best moment of the entire season.
Your new #1 fan,
Jen
PS Isn't Ami almost a little bit creepy with the way she can look someone in the eyes and smile as attempts to destroy them?

Survivor restores my faith in humanity

I got sick to my stomach watching Survivor last night. No, it wasn't all the shots of the all the fat lips or even the long, extended scene of the giant hole Johnathon got in his knee. (Great job on designing a challenge where nearly everyone got hurt by the way.) It was watching Joel drag Chet through the course. You know what's a really shitty thing to do? Drag someone through the mud and cause them to knock their head against several logs so that you can win a steak. And then, when they tell you that they hit their head, grunt back to them in your stupid caveman voice "I don't care". (For anyone who didn't see this, it was actually a lot more brutal than I'm making it sound.)

I seriously was nauseous watching it. But then this show did something that it rarely does. It made me feel good. Oh how happy it made me too see "ball of goo" Chet remain on the show while "I'm a big stupid asshole who was probably thisclose to killing someone for committing the crime of being old or a woman or gay and by the way call me Truck" Joel got voted out. It was a complete blindside and it was awesome.

Thank you Survivor. For teaching us to laugh about creepy beefy guys. Again.

Survivor tidbits

1. The funniest thing I have seen on Survivor in a while was Ozzy hiding the immunity idol under his straw hat as he talked to Kathy. The hat was way up high on his head and it appeared to have a flowered scarf on it and it was way funnier looking than I can describe here. Trust me.

2. Tracy is one smart cookie. She knew exactly what to say to get send Joel into a panic and vote out Mike. I'm bummed that they're mixing up the tribes next week (as per the previews) because I would have like to see how she would have done next week with her original tribe. This tribe mix-up is going to screw with an interesting dynamic. Poo.

3. I wonder if anyone will be fooled by Ozzy's "immunity idol". What would you think if you found that stick? I think I would think that someone already found the real idol. If I was Ozzy I would have gotten rid of the cloth the idol was wrapped in and moved that rock to another spot. That's just me though. I don't want to second guess Ozzy though because I do like him when he's not trying to devour Amanda's face.

4. When in the hell did I start to like Eliza? What is happening to me? The world made sense a couple of weeks ago!

Survivor Spoiler

This is a Survivor spoiler. It's not who wins but rather what the big suprise twist is that will be revealed in the first episode. Don't read any further if you don't like to be spoiled.

The big twist is that 2 former players will be returning to play again. The buzz (this is pretty much a sure thing) is that it is Bobby Jon and Stephanie from last season. Woo-hoo!