How did Ma Ingalls do it?

When we planted this year's garden we intended for it to be a learning experience. Sure, we wanted to get some food from it but the real point was to learn by doing. And we have learned a lot from from it. Some things we learned are:

Follow the recommendations on how far apart to plant things otherwise your garden just kind of grows together in one giant mass of plantyness.

There's no such thing as a helper rabbit. There's only bean and carrot eating rabbits.

It is possible for a stalk of corn to grow without producing a single ear of corn. Bastards.

If given half a chance, pumpkins, watermelon and zucchini will happily take over your entire garden.

Gardening is really time consuming.

I'm not even joking about that last one. I vastly underestimated how much work this garden was going to be. It's not the weeding and harvesting that has surprised me, I was expecting that stuff. What I didn't think about was how much time it would take to process all of the vegetables I harvest.

I pick stuff from the garden every day. I usually get a large bowl full of veggies. I sort through what will be eaten in the next day or two and then figure out how to deal with all the rest. Peppers are put into the dehydrator, carrots are cut into sticks for snacks, pickles are made (I have made several batches of pickles this year), tomatoes are made into sauce, beans and peas are blanched and frozen for eating during the winter. On Fridays there's even more to do because I am supplementing what I'm not growing by buying stuff from the farmer's market.

For the most part I really like the garden and the over-abundance of produce. Mostly. Unfortunately I've got a good case of what I like to call the first trimester blues. Come two o'clock every day I am so exhausted that I ache. Morning sickness has started so sometimes when I chop a tomato I think I could vomit from the pure sliminess of if. I'm a little bit of a wreck and the garden seems to be serving to highlight that.

When I'm really feeling worn out though I like to pretend that I'm a frontier woman. I imagine that all that's standing between my family and starvation over the long winter months is all my hard work in the garden. Sometimes when I'm bent over the beans and my back is aching and all I want to do is go inside and lay down and watch Golden Girls I think to myself "No! I must harvest all these beans so that the children don't get scurvy this winter!" Never mind that beans don't prevent scurvy. It's my fantasy and I can grow scurvy beans if I want to. It works for me ok?

In spite of everything I think we're going to expand the garden next year. We'll lay it out better and hopefully with will be even more productive than this years. And hopefully I'll be smart enough to not be pregnant right during harvest time.

Rabbit proof fence

We have a rabbit in our garden. I've spotted him several times now. Sometimes when I'm out working in the garden I'll spy him hopping from row to row. I'll be weeding the carrots and he'll be hiding in the beans. I'll inspect the pumpkins and he'll be cowering in the cucumbers.

We have a fence around the garden but the rabbit is able to slip in and out because he's just a baby. He's so cute and fluffy, I just don't have the heart to really try to scare him away.

Plus, he doesn't really seem to be eating anything. The only thing in the garden I've found that looks nibbled on are some weeds. So maybe this is some kind of breed of rabbit that I never knew exsisted. Like a helper rabbit.

What I worry about is that someday this rabbit will grow up and have babies and that the babies won't be so good about not eating my veggies. So I think I have to do away with the rabbit.

I don't know how to kill a rabbit though. Especially not a helper rabbit. Maybe I can just trap it and take it somewhere else. I don't even know how to do that. What do you bait a trap with when you're trying to attract a rabbit that doesn't seem to eat?

Or is the smart thing to do just wait until the rabbit has eaten so much that he can't fit out of the fence and then have myself some rabbit stew?

One year ago Jesse had some karma coming his way.
Four years ago I was very excited about fish.

This is why I am boring

I haven't had much to say lately for three reasons.

1. My life is uneventful.
2. For the past week I have had the headache from hell and it hurts me to look at the computer screen.
3. I am busy gardening and preserving food. In the past 10 days I have made pickeled rhubarb, pickled cherries, blueberry jam, strawberry rhubarb jam, dried cherries, banana chips, dried kiwi slices, strawberry rhubarb fruit leather, dried banana peppers, rhubarb barbecue sauce (insanely good) and apple rhubarb chutney. I've also frozen a ton of blueberries and strawberries for use later in the year. I am having a torrid love affair with food preservation.

Other than the preservation obsession I do have two peices of news.

1. We have finally mastered potty training. It took a lot of patience and perseverance and tootsie roll bribes and spare princess panties but we did it. We rock.
2. I have started the hormone shots again to prepare for the next embryo transfer. The whole stupid lung collapse threw everything off for a tiny bit but now we're back on track. Most likely we'll be doing the transfer July 27th. Obviously I'm hopeful it works this time but I'm trying not to think about it too much one way or the other. We'll just see what happens and go from there I guess.

Now I have nothing else to share so I'm going to go outside and sing to my tomato plants.

Two years ago today I posted a failproof pregnancy test.

Random Monday Musings

I am out of the hospital. It's amazing how much better I felt once I had that flipping tube out of my chest. In the span of five minutes I went from "Oh my god, I want to die but I can't even lift my arm to push the call button for the nurse to come kill me." to "Hey, let's stop at the garden store on the way home and see if they have any pepper plants on sale because I really want some more of them in the garden and oh by the way, does anyone have a brownie?" Literally.

A friend of mine recently told me that she likes to text because she can do it while she's on the toilet. I wish she never told me that because now whenever I get a text from her I can't help but wonder if she's sitting on the toilet.

On Sunday I bought Joseph some marbles and he instantly became obsessed with collecting all different kinds of marbles. Elle instantly became obsessed with what kind of container we would put the marbles in. All the way home from the store they kept up an overlapping montage of chatter. "Then next week I can get the blue marbles! But when we get home we will put them in a container! If I am extra good will you buy me two bags next week so I can get the red ones too? Will it be a big container or a small one? I think I like the black marbles the best but the orange ones are nice too! We need a container with a lid! Marbles..... container ..... marbles ..... container!"

Joseph started soccer last week. While Robby is not on his team (thank you Jebus) there is this other kid on his team who's a real little asshole. Is it wrong to say that about an 8 year old? Even if it's true? Because part of me thinks I should feel bad for saying that but then I see the kid roll his eyes when Joseph tries to talk to him and I not only want to say it, I want to scream it from the mountain top. (If you think I'm being harsh, the little asshole is this kid.)

One of my home-made upside down tomato plants has a tiny baby tomato on it. This caused me to do a small dance of joy. This morning I discovered that some of my pepper plants have tiny baby peppers on them. This caused me to do a small dance of joy. I never think about this stuff at the time but sometimes I wonder if my neighbors ever look out their windows and see me in my backyard gardening and periodically breaking into random disco moves.

Does anyone have a brownie I can have?

Two years ago today I hit a nerve.
Three years ago today we did Hawaii Minnesota style.
Four years ago today I had some thoughts on great Americans.

Gardening in fashion

Friend: You're getting really tan.
Me: Oh yeah, I guess. It's just because I'm outside every day though.
Friend: (long pause) Yeah, that's usually what causes that.

After it was pointed out to me that I am getting tan I looked at myself and realized that I am starting to get darker but only on the parts of me that my capri pants and t-shirts leave exposed. My solution was to start wearing tank tops and shorts when I garden. I told another friend about this but I accidentally said I wore strapless shirts when I garden and this led us to giggle for about five minutes at the image of me in a tube top.

I decided the other day to try and get more sun on my legs and garden while wearing shorts. Small flaw in that plan. We have grass clippings in between the rows in our garden to keep the weeds down. I kneel on these clipping while I am weeding and what not. I am allergic to grass. After a half hour of weeding and kneeling and watering and crawling I had huge red welts from my ankles to my thighs. Nothing to make you feel smart and sexy like a giant rash from an allergy that you forgot you had.

One year ago today I added a chapter to Joseph's adoption story and did a meme.

Randomosity

I am giving away a breast pump. If you would like to win it you can enter here.

Today Elle and I went to the hardware store to buy telephone wire. We couldn't find what we were looking for but we did find a blueberry bush. When Elle saw it her eyes lit up and she squealed with joy. Now we own a blueberry bush.

Jesse gives me my hormone shots and we have discovered that there is no way to talk about it without it sounding really dirty. "Stick it in fast and make sure it's in all the way."

If you are in the mood for having your heart smashed into a million pieces then watch the movie Dear Zachary. It's an amazing documentary and so very, very well done. I watched it on Friday and I am still recovering from it today.

Coach on Survivor might be the most delusional person I have ever seen on reality tv. I always wonder if he really believes the stuff he's telling people. He can't really believe that a tribe of Amazons really wanted to eat his butt, can he? Because if he does he is the only person in the entire world who believes that.

We have decided to take the lazy approach to our garden. We're slapping a fence around it and calling it a day. Maybe next year we'll be organized enough for raised beds but this year we're going to see how well our vegetables do when we are total slackers.

Joseph has lost another of his top teeth. The entire top front of his mouth is empty except for one front tooth that's coming in. I don't know how me manages to eat anything. He sure does have a crazy cute smile now though.

Tomorrow I am joining a gym. Look forward to my update in two weeks where I quit a gym. I am afraid. Very, very afraid.

Two years ago I had the most beautiful daughter. I still do of course.
Four years ago today I had problems with eye jelly.

I apologize in advance

I am just going to go ahead and say it now so I can get it out of the way: I am sorry.

I started my hormone shots yesterday and I am already feeling the effects. I had kind of forgotten about this part of the whole process. I mean, I knew the shots weren't exactly fun but I forgot what a number they did on my emotionally last time.

It's not that I am crabby exactly. It's more like I am moody and sad and convinced that everyone is just waiting for me to leave the room so that they can plan their "Jen sucks and we're happier when she's not around" themed party. It's not a great mix and I freely admit that for the next few weeks I might not be real fun to be around. Although you guys were probably all thinking that I was never that fun to be around anyway. Weren't you? Waaahhhhhh!!!

But I digress. This won't last that long. It's only a couple of weeks until I start taking the second hormone and that actually helps a little. The embryo transfer is scheduled for May 14th and assuming I get pregnant I won't have to be on the hormones for very long.

In the meantime though? I apologize for being moody and emotional and a big lame sad-sack. I apologize if I get angry over stupid things or slam doors because I think you looked at me funny or burst into tears because I take a simple action (like you laughing at someone elses joke) as your way of saying you like everyone else better than me. It's just the hormones and I will be better soon.

In other news, in response to my last post about the toxic logs I was asked by Stimey* "How tempted were you to just leave them there?"

The answer is: Very. If it was just Jesse and I eating the vegetables I would probably just risk it. Because I would rather eat poison than move something heavy. Since I don't want my children to start glowing in the dark I guess we'll have to move the Logs of Death. I think we're going to go with raised gardens although I was fascinated by the concept of straw gardening that a few people suggested to me and I think I might try it out next year. The bad news is that switching to raised gardens means more work and that makes me want to cry because I think it means even my yard hates me.

*Have you met Stimey? Because you should. She's a lot like me but she has 50% more children than I do and as far as I know she almost never cries about her yard. Other than that she is my internet souls sister and I have occasionally contemplated packing up my family and going to stalk visit her. I adore her even though she likes tomatoes and claims to not know how to text. We've overcome those differences through a shared love of ice cream and quirky children. She is awesome and you should go read her blog because she is going to me a lot more fun than I am for the next few weeks. Go on! Save yourself! Go!

Four years ago today I had bad restaurant karma.

How bad can toxic vegetables really be for you?

Here's a fun fact: Recycled railroad ties are treated with a substance that is toxic. If you put them around your garden they will leak that toxin into your vegetables.

There. Now I have saved you the trouble of laying ten 300 pound railroad ties out around your garden only to have to load them back up and return them to the store and then start over from scratch with a whole new plan that does not involve cancer vegetables.

Le sigh.

Now Jesse has this crazy idea about growing all the plants in little raised boxes instead of right on the ground. All I wanted was a little patch of dirt where I could grow vegetables and I'm going to end up with the Hanging Gardens of Babylon.

One year ago today I pondered the direction of this blog.
Three years ago today my kids were cute but other people were tacky.

Urgent garden update!

Remember when I said my garden was 12x14 feet? Well, there's a reason I never won any estimation bees.* The garden is actually 19x20 feet. We found that out today as we** edged it with recycled railroad ties.

We also bought a rain barrel so that we can collect rain water to water the garden with. We're all ecological and shit.

Our garden is looking pretty sweet. Unfortunately temperatures are going to drop below freezing later this week so I still can't more my seedlings outdoors. The way this spring is going we're going to have a growing season of 14 minutes.

That's about it for today***.

*Also, estimation bees are not real. So that's two reasons. And I originally said one. Oh estimation! Why must you mock me?

**By "we" I mean "I put on my gardening gloves and stood nearby as Jesse did all the hard work and was nearly crushed under a one ton railroad tie. Then I came inside and looked at $200 composters online.".

***Except I wanted to tell you that today Jesse told Elle "Go have Mommy do your hair because I suck at it." and Elle came to me and said "Mama, can you suck at my hair?" and then Jesse and I laughed and laughed and that made Elle cry so I cheered her up by letting her help me make chicken stock.

One year ago today Joseph had me stumped.
Two years ago today I put my kids in a cage.
Three years ago today my family was dramatic.
Four years ago I complained and was boring.

Just call me Farmer Jen

I don't what has happened to me lately. Maybe it was all brought on by moving to a small town. Maybe it's because if I want to drive anywhere outside of this small town I have to pass through miles and miles of farmland. Whatever it is, I have caught the farmer bug.

When we moved into this house it had a small flower bed in the back yard. We ripped that out thinking it would be a nice place to grow some tomatoes and maybe an ear or two of corn. Over the winter my plans for the garden got bigger and bigger. We've now expanded the garden to a fairly good size (rough estimate of 12x14 feet) and I've started a ton of seeds indoors. As soon as this stupid state has a 10 day forecast that does not include several nights with temps in the low 30's I'm going to be a planting fool. Rather than just a regular fool.

I've already started some garden-type activities. The previous owners of this house planted a rhubarb bush by the garden and every day I go out and stare at it angrily. I do this for two reasons. 1) Some bitch of a rabbit keeps coming and gnawing off all the new growth and pooping all over the place and I am hopeful that my angry staring will eventually scare him off. 2) I hate rhubarb.

I've got a real bumper crop planned, assuming Minnesota every warms up to a livable temperature. The things I plan to attempt to grow are: cabbage (for homemade and home canned sauerkraut), strawberries, okra (for pickling), cucumbers (again for pickling), Purple Queen bush beans, watermelon, yellow and red cherry tomatoes, broccoli, regular tomatoes, pumpkins, another type of cucumbers (these are bigger), green beans, parsnips, sweet corn, carrots, onions, mini bell peppers, cayenne peppers, spinach, red and green bell peppers, sunflowers, yellow beans, purple carrots and sugar snap peas.

Wow, that kind of looks like a lot when I type it all out. I might need to expand the garden a bit more. Don't tell Jesse, he already thinks I am out of control. It's a good thing he's around to reign me in though. Without him around to stop me this past weekend I would have bought a blueberry bush, a blackberry bush, grape vines and several dwarf fruit trees.

I'm not happy with just growing plants though. Now I want to tackle livestock. Yesterday I learned about a man in the next town over who will sell you a rabbit for $5 in the summer. Of course that leaves you with the issue of what to do with the rabbit. That's somewhat of a problem for my family since we don't eat rabbit. The good news is this man will buy your rabbit back for $5 in the winter. All the fun of raising livestock without the messy killing part. It seems like a flawless plan.

Oh, and don't tell Jesse this either but yesterday I bought a book about how to raise chickens in your backyard.

I think I need professional help.

One year ago today my kids gave me subtle hints about my eyebrows.
Three years ago today Jesse had the lamest excuse everfor not helping out with the kids.