Thoughts

Joseph is such a special person. Of course he's also 5 and can drive me crazy like nobody's business but for the most part he's really an amazing little guy. When I think about how many things had to happen for him to come into our lives I feel beyond lucky that Jesse and I are blessed enough to be his parents. I don't know what we did to deserve it but I really do think that it was meant to be. He was supposed to be our son. I really believe that.

Anyone who knows Joseph knows what a great kid he is. He's funny ans sweet and smart and loving. But he's also somehting else that I can't find a word for. He can be so deep sometimes. When he's not being silly and hyper he can be so sensitive and ...... I don't know the word, connected maybe. He's an old soul, there's no doubt about that.

I think Joseph has a big purpose in this life. I think he has such a big impact on the lives that he touches and I think that will just increase as he gets older. There is something big in store for this kid, I just know it.

I know this all sounds sappy but I do have a point. As I get ready for our second baby I have to admit that I do occasionaly find myself wondering "How am I ever going to love this baby as much as I love Joseph? Is it even possible?". I know that's silly but there's so many unique things about Joseph that I find myself thinking things like "He's the best kid there ever was, no one will ever be able to compare to him!"

Now, having said that, there are a few things that I am looking forward to that I did't get to experiance with Joseph. I'm looking forward to looking at the baby and being able to see that she has my nose or Jesse's eyes. Everyone says Joseph looks like Jesse but I am looking forward to seeing who this new baby will look like.

I'm also looking forward to holding her for the first time and knowing that she's "mine". Of course when you care for a baby like we did for Joseph you can't help but love them but part of you has to hold back. We always thought Joseph could be leaving us any day. Several times we were told that he would be leaving us in a few weeks or a month or even a couple of days. (I once had some of his stuff packed up before they changed the plans again.) So even though we loved him we spent so much of his very, very early life kind of loving him ...... differently than we will with this new baby. It makes me sad when I think about it but then I cheer myself up by giving him a little extra loving to make up for it now. So I'm looking forward to having this baby be "mine" right away.

Anyway, those are my deep, rambling thoughts of the day.