Big PIPin'

So what can I say about my PIPs (potential intended parents) without giving away too much about them? I want to respect their privacy but here's a little about them.

It's a gay couple from Minnesota. One of them has the same name as my dad and they have a son that they adopted and the son has the same name as my brother. Included with their profile was a picture of them at Disney World. They seem like they would be a really great match for me.

I already called the case manager I'll be working with and left her a message saying that she can go ahead and pass my profile on to the PIPs for them to look over. Assuming they want to work with me then the next step will be for Jesse and I to fly to LA again and meet them in person. We would meet at the agency first and then go out to eat together or something afterwards. Assuming we all still want to work together at that point, the next step will be for me to fly to LA again for the embryo transfer. This could take a little while to set up if they haven't already found an egg donor. We'll have to see about that when we get that far.

So, that's that. I'm so happy and very excited. This is just crazy.

Oh My God

I'm in! I have a match! I am crying right now, I'm so happy. I can't even think of what to say.

Are they ever calling?

Aurgh! Why don't they just call already? This is driving me crazy!

Oh, this too

I forgot the cutest thing ever. Elle says "hi" now. It's the cutest thing ever. (If I had a dollar for every time I said that about one of my kids I would be a rich woman.) She's so cute when Jesse comes home from work. "Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi!" She's also started calling Jesse "Mama" for some reason. It's funny because she used to say "dada" but now she says "Hi mama!" when she sees him. Who knows what goes on in that little head.

She's really, really close to walking. She can stand on her own for a long time but I don't think she's figured out yet what she needs to do to move forward. She's also been crawling on her hands and feet so I think she knows that's there's something she needs to do with her feet. She just hasn't put it all together yet. Soon though.

Waiting, waiting, waiting

I am waiting, waiting, waiting for my agency to call. They said they would call after Thanksgiving with all my test results. I'm really not worried that there will be a problem but every time the phone rings and it's not them I get a little nagging doubt. What if they're not calling me because they don't want me and all that we've done is for nothing and I have to go back and start all over again with some other agency and why in the hell wouldn't they want my in the first place?

So I'm waiting, waiting, waiting. I told myself not to even think about it until the end of the week because my last appointment was on Tuesday 2 weeks ago and they said it takes about 2 weeks for all the results. I just have to force myself to stop thinking about it. I'm sure it will work out.

Waiting, waiting, waiting.

Dr Hot

Dr Hot has written me a letter. It says "I haven't stopped thinking about you since the last time we met. Please call me so that we can set up a time to see each other. I can't wait to see you. PS, I've already cleared this with your husband."

Ok, so I had to read between the lines a little bit to get that. But I'm sure that's what he meant when he said "Your child is due for his/her regular dental check-up. Please call our office to set up an appointment. We look forward to seeing your child again!" Also, it appears to be signed by someone named "Ellen" but I'm not letting that fool me. I know what it really means.

Oh Google

I just got the strangest Google hit ever!
woman who's face looks like buzz lightyear

Some other strange ones:
"clean-out shot for dogs after giving birth" - The hell?
"nudity among family" - I hate when my innocent posts lead pervs to my blog.
"raven-symone who she got pregnant by" - I get a lot of these for some reason.
"has anyone in this family ever seen a chicken?" - Ha!

Trying to be nice

Last night I was putting Joseph to bed and he was not happy about it. We had the following conversation:
Joseph: I don't want you to put me to bed! I want Daddy to! I like him better than you! (crying, yelling, flipping all over the bed)
Me: Joseph, calm down and talk to me in a normal voice.
Joseph: I want Daddy! I like him more than you!
Me: That's ok, I like Daddy more than I like you too.
Joseph: (short pause) What?
Me: I like Daddy more than you.
Joseph: That's not a nice thing to say!
Me: No, it's not and I don't like it when you say stuff like that to me either.
Joseph: (long pause) Mommy, is there a more appropriate way to tell you that I like Daddy better than you?

Sigh. He's trying.

What?!?!

Oh. My. God. Why am I just now finding out about this? Ack! I must control myself!

Home again

We're back! The trip went pretty well I think. Some highlights for me included:
-Meeting the infertility doctor that will be doing my embryo transfer. He was hilarious. Anyone that could make me laugh while giving me a sonohysterogram is ok by me.
-Seeing the really beautiful part of LA. In case you're wondering, that part is the thin strip in between the tick layer of trash on the ground and the thick blanket of smog in the sky,
-The hotel we stayed in. It was really nice and it was fun to order room service.
-The doctor telling me I was a "golden surrogate" and that he was certain that I would be matched soon.

Some highlights for Jesse included:
-The $36 steak he ordered from room service. I had a few bites and it was the best steak that has ever been cooked. It just melted in your mouth. I want to go back!
-Watching "You, Me and Dupree" on the plane ride out there.

Some lowlights for me included:
-The above mentioned sonohysterogram. That hurt like a son of a bitch, I won't lie.
-A sandwich at the airport that had bread so hard that biting into it made my jaw pop.
-Watching "Broken Bridges" on the plane ride home. That movie was so bad it made me want to punch someone in the face.

Some lowlights for Jesse included:
-Very, very nearly passing out when they took a teeny, tiny bit of blood from him at the doctor's office. I'm sure he'll look back and laugh at that someday. I've already laughed about it. A lot.

All in all, it went well. We won't know anything for sure until after Thanksgiving when all the test results have come back but I'm really not expecting any problems. If it all continues to go forward without a hitch I could expect the transfer to be as soon as January or February. Eek! But for now it's good to be back home with the kids. I was a little suprised that I missed them as much as I did. It was strange being away from Elle especially. They did good though so that's a relief. (Of course, that doesn't mean I'm not looking forward to when I go for the transfer and have to stay at the hotel for several days. A vacation is always nice.)

My defender

Yesterday Joseph, Elle and I went to the house of a little boy in Joseph's class for a play date. Joseph had a great time playing with the little boy and his younger brother and his mom and I had a nice time chatting. As we were getting ready to go the little boy pointed at me and said "Why is your tummy so fat?" His mother was mortified but I thought it was pretty funny. Joseph did not think it was so funny. He got really indignant and said "That's not her tummy! It's just her big, puffy breasts!"

Gee, thanks Joseph.

Healthy enough for what now?

Joseph is at an age where he believes everything he hears on tv. If he sees a commercial he believes whatever it says. He wants every toy he sees on tv because he's certain it's the best toy ever. He wants to eat at every restaurant because he knows they have the tastiest food in town. He wants to buy every cleaning product they make because he knows it will make my life easier.

The other day we were watching some show or other and a commercial for Levitra came on. The commercial says "make sure you are healthy enough for sexual activity before taking Levitra". Joseph turns to Jesse and says "Daddy, you should take that. You're healthy enough for free activity. That's a good thing for you to take if you want to have some activity. What? Why are you laughing at me?"

Brother and sister

Elle loves her Ba-ba. And he loves her. When I go to pick Joseph up from school Elle get's so excited when we get close. She starts hitting her car seat and saying "ba ba ba ba ba ba ba!" When she sees him come out of the room she always want to grab his hand or give him a hug. Then, when we get into the car they hold hands all the way home. They're so sweet. I'm glad they like each other so much.

Joseph has turned out to be a really good big brother. He always wants to know what Elle did while he was at school. Sometimes he sings songs to her and changes the words so that the song is about her. Yesterday he had a big meltdown at dinner and we reminded him that Elle was watching him to learn the right way to act at dinner. He got so worried! "Oh no! Now Elle might do this too! Don't do it Elle, this isn't the right way to act!" He wants so much to be a good example to her. He's a good kid.

Jackson

IDAT's son Jackson passed away last night. I cannot imagine losing a child and even being able to function. IDAT has already written a breathtaking, heartbreaking entry in her blog about it and I hope you'll check it out.

I am going to make a donation to this charityin Jackson's name. Check it out and if you would like to make a donation too then let me know and we can add them together. They accept donations via paypal so that's probably what I'll use.

What's your sign?

You know how when you go to the airport you see all those guys standing around holding signs with people's names on them? Do you ever wonder who it is they're picking up and why? Well, come Monday Jesse and I will be two of those people who have someone holding a sign with our name on it. The surrogacy agency is sending a car for us. I'm so excited about that for some reason.

The hotel we're going to be staying at looks really nice too. Too bad we'll only be there for one night. Also exciting is the ridiculously high food allowance we've been given. We could eat non-stop from the time we get there till the time we leave and we could still be within budget. This makes me much happier than it should.

Man, I'm so excited!

In other news, how is it possible that Patty Wetterling is losing this election? I thought she had it wrapped up. I wonder if my "Don't vote for Patty Wetterling, she let's her dog poop in other people's yards" smear campaign had anything to do with it. Probably not but you never know. You should have cleaned up after your dog Patty. It would have gotten you one more vote anyway. (And just to clarify I didn't vote for Bachman either. I actually didn't vote at all. So sue me.)

Six glorious hours

Jesse took the kids to his dad's house for a visit yesterday. I had the house to myself for six glorious hours. I don't remember the last time I was by myself for that long. It was wonderful. It was strange being away from Elle like that though. It's probably a good thing since she needs to learn to be away from me once in a while.

Jesse filled his dad and his wife (um, his dad's wife, not Jesse's) about the surrogacy. That went ..... not well. I guess it went about like I expected it to. It probably didn't help that Joseph was "helping" by telling them that I was doing it so that we could go on a cruise. Well, not everyone is going to be supportive and what really matters is how Jesse and I feel about it. We're the only one's who can really judge if we can do something like this and feel very confident that we can.

Some good news about Joseph! His behavioral therapist is now backing off her RAD theory. She really starting to think he has AS also. Hooray! Yet another person to tell me that my son is neuro-atypical! It's the best day ever. Ok, so I'm being a little sarcastic. I am glad though that she is more on the same page as us now.

As I type this there is a show on in the backgroud about "amazing" births. The story on right now is about a woman who wanted to give birth to her third child in the ocean. Yeah, I can't see how that would be dangerous or stupid at all. They actually found a midwife to help them find a good tidepool to birth in. Seriously? A fricken tidepool?

The end of the road

No more nursing from here on out. Today I nursed Elle for the last time. I'm so sad! It's almost like she's not a baby any more. She doesn't need me any more. I can be away from her for more than a few hours at a time now. Sigh. It's a good thing I guess but man, I didn't know it was going to make me feel so sad.

Today I was hugging Jesse and Joseph said "Daddy, you should probably break up with Mommy. I think she's starting to over-love you." What a weird kid.

Leaving on a jet plane

Looks like Jesse and I will probably be headed to California for a couple of days. We both need to go for a couple of appointments at the surrogacy agengy and we'll have to go soon. Like, less than 2 weeks soon. Yikes! Things are moving fast. But that's good! Now I just have to arrange for someone to take care of the kids while we're gone. I don't think that will be too hard. Who wouldn't want Thing 1 and Thing 2 at their house for a couple of days? Hello? Anyone?

There is some rough stuff ahead for IDAT and her husband. They are facing some decisions with Jackson that no parent should ever have to make. She's written about it here and I hope you'll check it out. Her words are so raw and so real that I feel like anything I say about her situation would just be silly and meaninless in comparison. If you do check it out, please leave her some kind words. Even if you don't know her I think it might help for them to know that people care. It's a terrible situation that they're in right now. I can't even let myself think about it too much, I've already cried enough today.

So, I'm going to try to focus on the good. I'm going to hug my babies extra tight today. Then I'm going to smile when I think about the night of blissful, child-disturbance-free sleep I'm going to get when we stay over night in California.

One down, one to go

Elle and I are down to one nursing a day. I decided that from here on out I would only nurse her off the right side. That's the side that she prefers so we used to use that side more anyway. My left side? It's killing me. To be totally crass, I feel like my left boob weighs about 40 pounds. I suppose I better get used to it because I'm going to be feeling that way on my right side soon too. I figure Friday or Saturday will be the last night I nurse Elle. Wahhhh!!

What if I don't have any more kids and this is the last time I ever get to nurse a baby? Did I say I didn't want more kids? I take it back! I take it all back!

Prayers

Please, please, please pray for Jackson. He's not doing so great and he could use the extra help right now. I can't imagine what his parents must be going through right now. It's ..... I don't know, my mind won't even let me go there. Just try to keep a good thought in your head for him today.