Missing Mr Joe

I had three goals for yesterday:
1) Take Joseph and my parents to the airport.
2) To not turn into a blubbering, weepy mess.
3) Return home and gets lots of sleep.

I managed to do 2 of those, guess what ones they were. The day started when we woke Joseph up a little after 4 AM. He was so excited that his whole little body was trembling and he kept saying "This is the day I've been waiting for all my life!" He happily vibrated thoughout the house as we got ready to go. We got in the car and went to my parents house to pick them up. Joseph was on cloud 9.

All was good as we got to the airport and parked. All was good as we walked in. All was a little less good when it came time for my parents and Joseph to check in. I bent down to remind him to always stay where Grandma and Grandpa could see him and to be a good listener. He happily replied that he would and I turned into a giant weeping idiot. Then my mom started crying. Joseph didn't even notice, thank goodness. They checked in and then moved over to the security check point and I was still weeping like a baby. Hugs all around and Joseph gave the baby some "lovin'" (he kind of rubs his face against my belly). Then they went through security and I cried more. Then my mom saw us watching and had Joseph wave to us. He looked so cute and happy and excited and now I'm getting all choked up again just thinking about it. My dad had Joseph wave to us one more time and then we left. Before we walked out of the air port I stopped in a bathroom and started crying again. Then I cried in the car. Then I cried when we stopped to get something to eat. Then I cried at home. Then I slept for several hours.

Joseph called me when their plane landed. He kept telling me they were really in "boring Atlanta". He's a nut.

He also called at night to say hi. I asked him where he was and he said "Disney World!". I sounded like he was having lots of fun. He told me what rides they went on (Small World - he thought that was going to be scary because he saw a commercial for it and it had a tiger on it but really it was a "sweet ride". Buzz Lightyear Space Ranger Spin - He covered his eyes and Grandmpa told him what was happening and then Grandpa also got the high score. TTA - They rode it 3 times! ) My mom said they also did Mickey's Philharmagic several times and that each time Joseph literally screamed with laughter.

It sounds like they're having lots of fun and they'll call again tonight. As for myself I am amazed at how much I miss him. I'm enjoying the break and believe me I'm taking advantage of it but at the same time I'm so lonely for my little boy. Sigh.

Possible

These days 1 in 4 births are done by c-section. That's kind of a lot. To be honest I haven't really thought much about that being a possibility for me because it kind of freaks me the frigg out. I decided though that I should be informed about all the possible outcomes of the baby's birth so I forced myself to do some reading on c-sections today. I am now feeling informed but no less freaked out about the idea. I know it's a pretty standard procedure and probably not such a huge deal but man, it's still scary to me.

Oh well, nothing I need to worry about now I guess, it's just something I've been thinking about.

I know the feeling

Joseph was such a little stinker today at therapy. He wouldn't listen to anything that he was aksed to do and pretty much just sat there and ignored the therapist. I dopn't know if it's the weather, the fact that he's leaving for his trip tomorrow or what. When we were leaving therapy I asked him what was up with the way he was acting and he said "I don't know Mommy, I'm just not myself today." Couldn't have put it better myself.

As for me, I can't wait for this baby to be born so that I can get some sleep. I started having contractions again last night and that led to a night of terrible back pain. I think I managed to fall asleep at about 4 AM and even then I only got about 2 hours of real, uninterupted sleep. I am totally miserable and there's nothing I can do about it but wait, wait, wait.

I will say this though: Whatever problems I have had with this pregnancy I am glad that they only affected me and not the baby. I would rather have all this pain than a problem that could affect the baby like high blood pressure or gestational diabetes or something like that. I am thankful for that. And as much as I say I want to be done with the pregnancy because I'm tired of the pain (and I am!) I'm even more excited to meet my new little one. It's to strange to think that in just a little while I'm going to have 2 kids. How can that be? That's something grown-ups do!

Opps!

I just realized that we didn't take Joseph to Monday night class yesterday. He'll be gone for next weeks class and the week after that there is no class. Well shoot, what am I going to do without my Monday night class to keep me entertained? I guess I could stick sharp objects in my eyes and ears to replicate the experiance.

I tried updating my baby ticker on the top of the page to show the new (I hope) date for when the baby gets here but it doesn't seem to be working right now. I'll have to futz with that a bit. Eek, it's coming soon!

Update!

The doctors appointment went well. I asked her to please, please, please induce me a week early and much to my suprise she agreed. I have to go in for a regular check-up next Tuesday and that's the earliest that she can put me on the list for inducement on the 11th of October. The only bad thing about being scheduled for an inducement is that if there is an emergency I will get bumped to make room. Oh well, who cares? The end is in sight! I am a happy girl today.

In other news, I have another update on what I know everyone has been waiting to hear about: my cervix. Big changes this week. The doctor said I am dialted about 1 cm and that my cervix is (in her highly medical sounding terms) "squishy" and getting softer. Looks like those contractions I've been having have actually been doing some good and not just keeping me up at night. I know it's only one teeny little cm but I prefer to think of it as 1/10th of the way there.

I was able to take a nap today too so things really are looking good. An inducement date set, a squishy cervix and a nap. What more could a girl ask for?

Futile attempt

I'm going to go to the doctor in about an hour and beg her to induce me on Oct 11th. I'll get down on my hands and knees if I need to. I don't think it will work, in fact I will be shocked if it does. She has said that she doesn't induce unless there's a pressing medical need. I'm still going to try though. It's not that early and I feel like I have a variety of good reasons. There's scheduling stuff and the fact that I can't even walk up the stairs without whimpering in pain. Wish me luck.

Baby class

So we had our dreaded birthing class this weekend. Much to my suprise it was not so bad. There was no one in the class who was really loud and obnoxious and no one wasted time by asking a bunch of stupid questions. The instructor was really good. She's a labor and delivery nurse at the hospital so she had lots of first hand experiance. She was really informative and had lot of funny stories to help the time pass relativly quickly. I'm not sure I feel like I couldn't have gotten by witout taking the class but it did answer a few questions I had about pain relief options and a few other minor details.

We also went to Mom and Dad's Halloween Planning Party. Good times as always. Joseph was excited to "help" with greeting guests and passing out some gummy candy that he had picked out. He also had a lot of ideas for the haunted house. I had no idea my happy little boy could be dark! "Maybe we could have a head roasting in the fire! Maybe we could have two arms chopping up a head! Maybe I could put my spooky Halloween catalog in the haunted house!" Ok, so the last one was less dark and more cute but you get the picture. As always there was way too much good food and I've been munching on left over cookies all morning.

Starting at the class yesterday my back really started to hurt. By the time we got to Mom and Dad's house I was having moments when I was almost in tears. By the time we left I was feeling sick from the pain. I was also having a few contractions here and there. Jesse was convinced I was in labor and that I would have to go to the hospital. I was certain I wasn't. My logic? I couldn't be in labor because I didn't have my bag packed and I hadn't pre-registered on-line yet. Both will be done today by the way. Makes sense right? Anyway, I laid down on the couch when I got home, drank a bunch of water and took a sleeping pill. I still slept pretty restlessly but as the night went on my back slowly started feeling better.

So no labor for me today and now we're off to buy the last couple things I need to have my bag packed. Then no one will have any reason to give me a hard time anymore.

Pineapple

I am in so much pain today I just want to cry. My back aches, my torn muscle is screaming and my hips hurt from trying (without much success) to sleep on my side last night. I am so sore.

I just read that eating pineapple can trigger labor. I've got three cans of it in my cupboards right now. I wonder if it works. Not that I really want to have the baby today but I am tired of being so sore. Maybe I'll have to keep it in mind until a little closer to my due date.

Another day

Another day, another doctor's appointment. Things are still looking good. My blood pressure is up again a little bit but since my blood pressure is normally low I'm still in the normal range. I am swelling up like crazy though (mostly my legs and hands) and I think that has a lot to do with the 2 and 1/2 pounds I gained last week. 1/2 pound of that is the baby but I think a lot of it is water weight too. Kind of a suprise that I gained so much since I had only gained 1/2 pound in the 3 and a half weeks before my last appointment.

My doctor gave me a prescription for baby-safe sleeping pills that I can take every few days or so to help head off head aches. I took one last night and I slept really well. Maybe too well since I nearly wet the bed.... Anyway, it was nice to get a full night's sleep. If I can just do that every few days I think I'll feel a lot better.

I need to go lay down now. My back is killing me.

Monday Night Class

The dreaded Monday Night Class started up again last night. It seems to be a mixture of some new pretty normal people and some of the same old freaks and weirdos. There were 4 people in the group who would not stop talking no matter what. It got kind of amusing to watch them try to out-talk each other after a while. One would stop to take a breath and the other 3 would jump in and talk for 5 minutes straight. The parent educator kept trying to nicely move things along but I don't think subtlety is going to work with these people. She may have to bring a big stick to the next class to hit people over the head with. I told Jesse that we have to go in thinking htat we're there for Joseph (because he enjoys it) and not to expect to get anything out of it, including the chance to talk. Seriously, we were interrupted about 5 times while introducing ourselves.

My favorite mother from last year is back. Ok, not my favorite but the one who nearly had me bursting a blood vessle every time she talked. She does this thing that just drives me crazy. She thinks everything is "amazing". She describes things that way about 10 times in one sentance. Only here's the thing: She says it wrong. Instead of saying "It was amazing" she says "It was amaze". Every single time she says it like that. I have to bite my tounge not to correct her. I don't know if she's saying "amaze" or "a maze" but either way it's wrong and makes me want to lunge across the table screaming "AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING!" just to get her to say it right. It's strange how something so small can drive you so nuts. It's amaze really.

Joseph

Sometimes Joseph is a little bit of a smart-ass. Yesterday Jesse walked into the living room where Joseph and I were and Joseph said (out of nowhere) "Oh no, not you again!". We couldn't help it, we had to laugh.

Today he was so cute when he got home from school. He was laughing so hard as he got off the bus that he was almost falling down. I think what happened was that he and some other kids were making up new parts to "Brown Bear, Brown Bear What Do You See?". He was laughing to hard to make if very clear but I think some kid said "gorilla" and he said "spaghetti". You can see how laughter would be the natural response. Anyway, it was very cute.

A helpful hint

Here's my hint for you if you find yourself having to go to the emergancy room for a migraine headache: Try to be a pregnant woman.

It's the best advice I can give. Let's compare shall we? In a normal situation you might go to the emergency room and have to wait an hour for a room even if there's only one other person in the waiting room. After you get your room you'll be left alone for two hours until you are finally forced to buzz the nurse and ask if anyone is going to see you. After they let you know they've forgotten you they might send in someone who seems to think you're wasting their time. They will promise to go talk to a doctor. You'll never see the doctor unless he comes in to question why you're even there in the first place and to snottily suggest that you're problem's really not as bad as you think it is. After a few hours more you might get some medication and you better hope and pray that works because if you ask for more then you start to get the look. (The look implies that you're really a junkie and going through all this just to get an extra drop of morphine. This is fun.) After many, many hours you might have gotten a little relief or you might have just given up and wandered out.

Now compare this to what happens when you go into the emergency room when you're eight months pregnant. The triage nurse calls you almost right away to check you out. When she notices your belly she says that they're sending you upstairs "just to be on the safe side". Even when you explain that you're only there for a migraine she insists that you go. She asks if you'fe been having any contractions. You say you have because you're 8 months pregnant. When you go on to explain that you've been having bad back pains the nurse gets a strange smile on her face and cannot rush you upstairs fast enough.

Once upstairs you get a private, big room and attentive nurses. Your belly gets two monitors strapped to it so you get to hear the baby's heartbeat (and hiccups!) and see your contractions on a little print out. (That part is kind of cool.) The nurse immediatly gets your own doctor on the phone and they figure out a plan. Within an hour of getting there you have had pain meds and something to help with your naseau and the nurse has brought you something to eat. You get more pain meds when you ask and then you even get enough to get the baby to go to sleep and as an added bonus the contractions stop. If you buzz for the nurse someone comes in almost right away and doesn't make you feel like you're bothering them. When you're still having some pain they call your doctor again and then (here's the really amazing part) they discuss your options with you! You're sent home with more pain meds, a pill to help you sleep and a back-up plan in case this doesn't work. It's amazing. Then you get to sleep for about 16 hours and then you feel a lot better.

So yes, if you can do it I suggest only going to the emergancy room when you're in the proccess of being a woman who's 8 months pregnant.

Fun Joseph fact

Joseph loves all things Swiffer related. He wants to use ours all the time. If he sees a commercial on TV for a Swiffer product he wants to go out and buy it and use it right away. One day at Target I told him he could pick out a treat and he almost chose a Swiffer RugVac. Seriously, the kid loves the Swiffers.

Self confidence

Dad, it's ok to start reading again. For now.

Yesterday Jesse was going to take Joseph to get a haircut. When I told him that he said "Whhhhhhyyyy? I'm already handsome!"

This morning I told him how cute he looked and he said "I know, and it's nice to have my hair all neat and tidy now......... Maybe you should get a haircut too Mommy."

Too much information

First off, Ben, I got your email.

Next, I had a doctors appointment today. Everything is looking pretty good. My blood pressure is up a little bit but it's low to start with so that's not a big concern. The doctor mentioned that being stressed out or in pain can cause that and I told her that I'm getting very little sleep at night because I'm in so much pain (what with the torn muscle and all). She encouraged me to keep on taking tylenol during the day but gave me something stronger for at night when the pain is the worst. I hope that helps since right now I'm probably getting about 4 hours of sleep a night.

I only gained 1/2 pouind ince my last appointment. Color me suprised. At this stage the baby gains about 1/2 a week and it's been about 2 weeks since I was last weighed. The baby is bigger (she's measuring at 37 weeks now) so much to my suprise I haven't really gained any weight at all.

Now the really personal stuff all about my cervix. If you don't want to hear about my cervix then I suggest you stop reading right now.

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For those of you still with me, what are you? Sick? Even I don't want to hear about my cervix. But here goes. I'm not dialated at all but she thinks the mucus plug is gone. When she pressed against my cervix she said right away that she could feel the baby's head right against it. So the baby has dropped down (or "engaged") and that is probably why I hurt so much and why I pee with the force of a fire hose. Anyway, that all looked good and healthy.

So far things are looking good, right on track. I think I'll be feeling a little better if I am able to get more sleep at night too. I can't complain because the baby is active seems healthy. I can do this for a few more weeks I guess.

I said "early" people!

I asked people to guess when the baby would be born. I said I thought it would be early. The baby is due on October 17th. So far the two guesses I have gotten are Oct 25th and Oct 26th. Stop messing with me! It's going to come early! It has to.

It has to.

My least favorite commercial

My least favorite commercial is for Dove deodorant. It has this woman in it who says this:
I'm here to take the Dove deodorant 7 day challenge. I'm getting married in September so I'm really going to have to do a lot of shaving!" Then it goes on to show her talking about how soft her underarms have gotten over the 7 days. There's also a part with her at a laundry mat where she "jokes" "I'm so glamerous right now!".

Ok, the problems with this commercial are too many to mention but let me focus on the big one. Why is she going to have to do a lot of shaving with a wedding coming up in September? Did I miss out on some huge pre-wedding shaving ritual when I got married? Or is this girl just that hairy that she has to plan her shaving out in advance? Does this make sense to anyone at all?

Also, what's with the laundry bit? This commercial wastes enough of my damn time without the laundry sub-plot thank you very much.

I see this commerical all the time and it always drives me nuts. I've been meaning it mention it for a long time now but I was too busy to do it before. You see, I'm having a baby in October and I have to do a lot of shaving before then.

Halloween costume

My parents fook Joseph shopping for a Halloween costume for his night of Trick or Treating in Disney World. He got what I think might be the cutest costume I have ever seen. It's a pirate from the Pirates of the Carribean ride. It is so flippin' cute I can hardly even stand it. He told me that he wanted to be Woody again this year but I guess my parents bribed him into getting the pirate costume by buying him Scooby Doo books. There is nothing that kid won't do for a Scooby book.

We didn't do much this weekend. Got a couple things done around the house, including getting the bassinette ready. I didn't get my hospital bag packed like I had planned to do but I'll do that while Joseph is at school today. I really need to get on the ball since I'm convinced that this baby is going to be born early.

My torn muscle has been hurting so much lately that I have a hard time sleeping at night. If I lay one way too long it hurts but then when I try to turn it hurts so badly that it can bring tears to my eyes. Having to hobble into the bathroom 3 or 4 times a night to pee is just torture. (I think I'm going to take Beany's advice and try sleeping on the toilet.) I'm wondering if all this could be caused by the baby's head dropping down. I've read that can happen up to 4 weeks before you give birth. Hey! Maybe I'll give birth early and I won't have to go to that birthing class that I've been dreading. Then I would have a good excuse for not knowing how to breath right and the doctor would feel sorry for me and just knock me out until the baby is born. Or potty trained. Ok, she probably won't come that early. Anyone care to make a bet on when the baby will be born?

The baby

The baby has not stopped moving at all today. She's big enough now that I can feel a difference between kicks and other movements. Her feet are right up under my ribs on the left side and she's been marching in place all day long. I can feel her arms moving around a lot too today. She's also had hiccups a bunch so when I'm sitting very still I can see my tummy do these little jumps every few seconds. She just has not quit. I don't know where the sudden burst of energy came from but she's a little maniac. My busy, busy girl....... or boy. We'll see I guess.

Survivor Spoiler

This is a Survivor spoiler. It's not who wins but rather what the big suprise twist is that will be revealed in the first episode. Don't read any further if you don't like to be spoiled.

The big twist is that 2 former players will be returning to play again. The buzz (this is pretty much a sure thing) is that it is Bobby Jon and Stephanie from last season. Woo-hoo!

It's all good

School seemed to go very well for Joseph yesterday. He came hom happy and his teacher wrote that he fit right in with the other kids. We were happy to hear that he played on the playground with the other kids. He said they wanted to play Batman so that's what he played too. A big change from last year when he played alone on the playground because he wanted to play Scooby Doo and no one wanted to play it with him. (That always made me so sad.) I thought he sounded kind of proud of himself for playing with the other kids when he was telling me and Mom about it. It was cute.

His afternoon bus driver and helper seem nice too. To my relief he's taking the tiny bus to and from school. I used to worry about him riding the big bus last year. Too much space for things to happen that the helper can't see. This is better. I worry less this way.

I bought one of those circular knitting-for-dummies things and I love it. I've made two little baby hats so far with yarn left over from a baby blanket I made and I'm almost halfway done with a kid sized one now. It's lots of fun and it goes pretty quick. I can see a house full of hats now that I'm getting less and less mobile.

Why didn't anyone tell me how much work getting off the couch can be when you're big and pregnant? And forget about it if I'm laying down. I flop around like a turtle on it's back until I create enough of a commotion for Jesse to hear me and realize I need help. I'm such a delicate flower you know.

If you want to leave a comment (and I know that you do) you have to enter a code now. It's no biggie but the bizzarness of the spam comments were getting to me. Do I care that Asia leads the world in wireless adoption? Do I even know what that means?

Breathing a little easier

Joseph got on the bus a few minutes ago and I'm feeling a little bit better. The bus helper is one of the few normal mothers from his Monday night class. It's a relief that someone who knows him will be on the bus with him at least on the way there. Now I just have to worry about the ride home. I am so sure they are going to drop him off at the wrong spot or send him on a bus full of 7th grade holigans or something.

Bah. Now I'm just getting myself worked up again.

By the way, that fundraiser that I mentioned earlier has raised almost $16,000! It's going on until Monday and it's a good cause so please consider sending even a few bucks their way. I promise I won't ask any more.

Eek!

Today is Joseph's first day of school. He's cool as a cucumber but I'm nervous as can be. I don't know why since he did this all last year and he was a whole year younger at the time. He just seems so little! How can I send him off on a bus and expect total strangers to take care of him for 4 hours then return him to me safe and sound? I had a dream his bus crashed last night so that's not helping either. Now I'm worried that some bigger kid will pick on him on the bus or the driver will drop him off at the wrong place or he'll wander off while on the playground at school. Ack. I think I'll just keep him home with me forever. He'll be safer that way. He doesn't really need school anyway does he?

Fun at the baby's expense

I am so getting this shirt:
http://www.glarkware.com/securestore/c237522p16493759.2.html

While you're checking that out consider donating to the site's fundraiser to raise money to purchase school supplies for children affected by Hurricane Katrina. It's run by good people, they donated to our Relay for Life team and they do a lot of other charity stuff so it's legit. Click to check it out:
http://www.glarkware.com/securestore/c188252p16713448.2.html

My sweet boy

I think I'm addicted to Hurricane Katrina footage. I try not to watch it when Joseph's around because I don't want to upset him so I watch little bits here and there when he's not in the room or I read about it online. Yesterday though I was watching a story about a town that had been totally wiped out and Joseph caught the very tail end of it. He asked why there was such a big mess on tv. I tried to explain that it was a really big storm that had knocked down the buildings but that sort of thing almost never happened and we were safe and nothing like that had happened to us. He asked if it had knocked down houses and I said it had. He started to look worried so I tried to reassure him that we were ok our house was safe. I could see he was getting upset and I thought he might be worried, remembering the storm we saw in Florida or remembering having to camp out in the basement a few weeks ago during a tornado warning. I kept trying to comfort him but his eyes were getting all filled with tears and his lower lip was trembling. Finally has asked me "But where will all those people live while they fix their houses? Now they don't have beds to sleep in!" Oh my god. First off, show me another 5 year old that would think of something like that. Second, it's really hard to give an upbeat, positive answer to that question when you're trying to keep tears from running down your face.

But I think I answered his questions ok. It's hard to know how much to say because on one hand I want to be able to protect him from having to think about bad stuff like that but on the other hand I know he's going to hear about it somewhere and I would rather he hear when he's with me and able to ask questions about it. It's hard to find a good balance.

This morning when he and I came downstairs he turned the tv on and it had been left on the news so he saw a little bit more (about 10 seconds) before I could shut it off. (It's one thing for him to see a knocked down house but he doesn't need to see coverage of the stuff that's going on at the convention center and what not.) When I turned the tv off he turned to me and frantically asked "What about all the babies?" I was able to give him a good answer this time. I told him I had seen a story about all the new babies in hospitals being taken to other hospitals in helicoptors and airplanes. I was able to tell him that all the babies were safe ...... cause, yeah, there's some things a kid doesn't need to know. He got this sweet look on his face, gave my belly a big hug and said "I'm glad our baby is safe in your tummy away from the hurnicane." What am I going to do with my sweet, sweet boy?

Stretch marks, I've had a few...

Then again, too few to mention......

That is until just a few days ago. I thought I was doing pretty good with just a couple small ones around my belly button. Cut to a few days ago when I got out of the shower and saw the underside of my belly. It looks like a filppin' road map with the purple stretch marks on it. I can't see them when I look down but I know they're there and I see them whenever I get out of the shower. Damn, damn, damn.

It's not like I normally wear belly baring shirts or that I think my perfect 10 body has been ruined. I'm just tired of what being pregnant is doing to my body. I don't like looking in the mirror and having to think "Hmmmm, I don't remember that being there before." or "Is this normal?" or "Didn't those used to be higher up?"

Sigh

I'm a little bit depressed. I've been reading too much about Hurricane Katrina online. As if all the devestation wasn't enough then people have to go and make it worse by looting and fighting and generally turning into sub-humans. It's one thing to break into your local Wal-Mart to steal food and blankets, it's another to break into an electronics store to steal a flat screen tv and car stereos or breaking into a children's hospital to steal drugs. Geez, people make me sick. I'm just thankful for my own little corner of the world where my family has a roof over it's head and the people I love are safe.