Post Christmas stuff

I hope everyone had a good Christmas. We did here. Joseph was (very neary) a perfect angel at the big family get together. No repeat of the Thanksgiving melt-down, thank goodness.

People seemed to like the stuff I made for the Christmas potluck. And by "people" I don't mean Jesse because he refused to try the torta I made because he doesn't like tomatoes and it had sun-dried tomato pesto in it. He's so persnikity sometimes.

Yesterday I went after-Christmas shopping and spent too much buying stuff I didn't really need. Oh well, it's only once a year and I got some really nice stuff. Jesse watched the kids for me all day so it was also a really nice break and a chance to get out of the house. I could tell Elle missed me though because she wanted to nurse non-stop after I got home. It was weird being away from her for so long. I missed her. I used to not seeing Joseph all the time since he's not in school or will spend the day with my parents but I'm not used to being away from Elle.

Ben came over for a while and had a nice time talking about his book and other random crap. It's good to have a brother that you can talk about random crap with.

Jesse's bringing home chinese food tonigh. Life is good.

Merry Christmas!

Whatever you do don't click this link or you won't be able to get anything done today!
http://snowflakes.lookandfeel.com/

Sleeping

Woohoo! For the past 2 night Elle has slept for a stetch of 6+ hours without a feeding. Let's hope she keeps this up. If she does it for a few more night then I'll move her into her crib to sleep at night.

That makse me sad. My baby is getting so big. My kids are growing up and they don't need me anymore. Waaaahhhhhh!

Oh well. I made pork chops last night and I breaded and fried them instead of baking them. They were the best pork chops I've ever made. Juicy and flavorful and good. No real reason for sharing this, they were just damned good pork chops.

Oh yeah, take the quiz in the post below this and let me know what Food Network chef you are. And no fair cheating so that you're not Sandra Lee. Be honest!

Could have been worse

I could have been Sandra Lee!


Which Food Network chef are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Cradle cap crap

Last night I was sitting next to Joseph on the couch and I reached over and ruffled his hair. I noticed that he had something kind of um, bumpy on his scalp. I looked closer and he had this bumpy, greyish yellowish stuff on his scalp in two spots each about the size (in area) of a fun sized candy bar. (Ok, it's a weird comparison, it's just the first thing I thought of.) I tried to kind of pick at one part and a it came off easily but a little tuft of hair came off with it too. EEEEEeeeeeek! I started imagining all these things that could be wrong with him and I was certain that any second he was going to start losing big handfuls of hair.

So I made a doctors appointment for him. Guess what it was. Cradle cap. Cradle fricken' cap. On a 5 year old. I mean, it's the older kids version of cradle cap and it has a real name but it still boils down to the fact that he has cradle cap. So we have a steriod solution to put on his head and his doctor reccomended a mild dandruff shampoo for him. This solution can apparently make his scalp a little raw so that should be fun.

Yippee.

In other news, I'm still working on my list of the top 5 evils in America. I have 1-4 figured out but I'm still debating #5. I'll have to give it more thought.

Links

This one is funny but don't click it if you are easily offended by Lego depictions of the Bible -

funny

My favorite story on the above link is this one-

favorite

Pictures

I went and had Elle's pictures done today. She cooed and giggled in the car all the way there. She cooed and giggled as I got her dressed in her fancy pink dress. She cooed and giggled as I carried her in to get her picture taken. I laid her down on the pillow and she started to scream. Her face got red and her hands went right for her mouth, a sure sign that she's hungry. I took her into the dressing room and tried to feed her but she didn't seem to want to eat, just to scream. She had a bunch of toots and then seemed to feel a little better. I took her back into the other room to try the pictures again. I laid her down and she fell asleep.

Ok, I can deal with that. I thought we could get some cute ones of her in just her diaper as she slept. I took of her fancy pink dress and suddenly she was wide awake. She refused to smile though. She kind of smirked a few times but mostly she just laid there looking serious. I decided to try putting her dress back on but that made her decide she needed to eat again. Ay-yi-yi.

Edited to add- Joseph just got off the bus crying because he was so upset. For some reason he and another little boy were talking about dying and the little boy told him everybody dies someday. Joseph's not down with that I guess. I asked him why they were talking about dying and he said he said he asked them about it because he didn't know if they knew about it. He's very worried about the people he knows getting old and dying. The whole concept of death is very troubling to him. He's too sensitive for his own good sometimes.

I always forget

I keep meaning to update the blog but then I just forget. I'm working on a long post about the top 5 evils in America though so that will be up soon. Seriously, it's awesome.

I'm taking Elle in for a second attempt at getting her pictures done tomorow. Keep your fingers crossed for us. I'm sure she'll be fine. Now that he cold is gone she's back to her regular happy self.

The past few night Elle has been sleeping for 4 hour stretches. Hooray! Who knew that 4 hours of uninterupted sleep could feel like such a luxury?

I'm thinking about looking into getting Joseph a PCA (personal care assistant) to come for a few hours every week. They could help him with stuff like dressing (he still needs a lot of help for a kid his age), hygiene (again, he needs a lot of help and reminders) and teaching him other personal care stuff. The goal would be to help him learn to do the stuff on his own better, not to just have someone else come in and do it for him. They could also do things like teach him socail skills and different ways to interact with people. If we did something like take him to the library then the PCA could come along and kind of help guide him when he needed it. We're so lucky that all of Joseph's medical expenses are taken care of, it gives us a lot of options that we might not be able to afford otherwise.

I can't believe how quickly Christmas is coming! I haven't done any shopping yet. None. Zero. Zip. I need to get on the ball but I have a feeling I'm going to end up giving everyone I know things like my old tupperware because I've just run out of time. On an unrelated note, does anyone have some old used tupperware they could give me? I need it for ....... a ....... project. Yeah, that's it. A project.

God Rescue Merry Gentlemen

Joseph is way into singing lately. He likes a lot of Bob Dylan songs that I have on cds so when we're in the car I put them on and he just sings his little heart out. It's the cutest darn thing you every did hear. His favorite thing to sing is Christmas carols though. I have one on a cd by the Bare Naked Ladies that he likes a lot. It's an upbeat version of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen." Only, guess how Joseph sings it "God Rescue Merry Gentlemen". It kills me.

Yesterday we were all in the car and we drove past these two guys in black jackets and ties riding bikes. I said "Mormons! I didn't know there were Mormons in Minnesota!". Joseph said "What's a Mormon?" I tried to explain that it was a religion. He said "What's religion?" Geez. How do you explain that to a very bright 5 year old? I don't think I did a very good job.

Elle has a cold that just won't go away. She's mostly ok now but she's making some out of this world boogers. I go to wipe one away and it it just keeps coming and coming and coming. I don't remember Joseph ever having foot long boogers. My little girl must just be an exceptional booger maker. Lucky her. Lucky me because I'm always the one that ends up with them on the shoulders of my shirts.

Merry fricken' Christmas

My mom and I took the kids to get their pictures taken yesterday. I wanted to get some of Elle alone and then some of them together to use as our Christmas card this year. What a fiasco! Elle wasn't feeling well and cried and fussed almost the entire time. Almost without fail every time we got her to have a content look on her face Joseph would start acting like a little monkey. The photographer would put him in a pose and we would get both of them looking at the camera and then just as the picture was about to be taken Joseph would throw his hands in the air and shout "Goose berries!" or something equally weird. Augh!

Elle was so crabby that we weren't even able to have her solo pictures done. I'll have to go back another time for that. We did manage to get a couple of cute shots of them together though. I told Jesse I should have just gotten a picture of both of them crying and written "Merry Fricken' Christmas" on it.

I suppose I should take Elle out of her swing and try to nurse her. Since she's not feeling well all she wants to do is sit in her swing and snooze. If I take her out to nurse her or change or anything she gets mad and screams at me. She gets all red and she waves her little fists around like she's trying to take a swing at me. It's actually pretty cute but she's already so miserable that I don't like making it worse. She does need to nurse though so she'll have to come out sooner or later. As talented as I am I haven't figured out how to nurse her while she's swinging yet. Give me time.

Odds and ends

Let's see, what's new?

When Elle was born they did a hearing screening on her and she failed in her left ear. We went in Thursday to have it redone and she passed in both ears this time. She didn't like the test at all though. The way it worked is they stuck this probe in her ear and it made an echo and then the echo showed up on a chart on a computer screen. I was wondering how they were going to to that. I pictured her sitting in a little booth raising her hand whenever she heard a tone.

Elle had a doctors appointment a couple days ago. She weighs 12 pounds now. She's in the 95th % for her age. Funny, since Joseph was probably in the 5th % when he was her age. Anyway, the doctor says she looks good and she's obviously "thriving". I love the code words that they come up with for "fat" when it comes to babies. From now on when I look in the mirror and start to feel bad I'm just going to tell myself I'm "thriving".

I had a meeting with Joseph's teacher today. She said they really enjoy having him in the class and that he's a "delight". She also said (much to my joy) that he seems to be making friends. She said he gets along well with everyone in the class. She said he seeks out kids who are more verbal but that he plays just as well with other kids too. She said there is one little boy in the class who has some developmental delays and Joseph has taken a real interest in him. Not suprising since Paula (Joseph's teacher last year) always said he took on the caretaker role in class. Today as we were out driving Joseph started to talk about the little boy that his teacher had told me about. He said "[Little boy who's name I forgot] is a good listener now. At first he wasn't but now he is. He was just a little fussy before." I thought it was interesting that he was interested in how the other kids in his class were behaving.

He's such a nut though. The other day he brought home a piece of paper that said "Joseph" and "Jaiden" on it. When I asked him what it was he told me "My freind Ashely helpled me make that. It means we're married now." Today he was talking about Jaiden again and I asked him why he wanted to marry he. He told me it was because he was in love with her. Silly question I guess. I asked if she loved him too and he said "Well, she smiled at me one time ..... I think that means she's in love with me."

Oh yeah, one more Elle story before I forget. I was nursing her and she made a couple of small tooting noises. When she was done eating I noticed a little damp spot on her outfit. I assumed it was just a little bit of pee that leaked out so I went to change her. As soon as I started to unbutton her one-piece outfit I could see that there was something horribly wrong. She had poop from her armpits to her knees. I don't know how it happened but she was just coated in the stuff. I seriously just wanted to button her outfit back up and pretend I hadn't seen anything. Ah, kids are fun.

What's this "we" crap?

Last night was rough. Elle wanted to nurse all day long yesterday and it continued on into the night. At one point I actually nursed her for 2 hours. I'm not joking of exaggerating. I feel like I got no sleep at all but I'm actually probably sitting at around 2 and a half hours. At one point when she wanted to eat I put the covers over my head and said "I can't feed her anymore! I just can't!" Jesse responded with "Yes we can, we have to." My answer? "What's with this "we" stuff? I think I'm the one who's feeding her. Once you have liquid coming out of your nipples too then we'll start using "we"."

I can't blame him though, he was tired too. Joseph kept getting up and coming into our room. At one point I was nursing Elle (of course) and Joseph came in crying that he needed us. I woke Jesse up and asked him to take Joseph back to bed. Jesse sat up, hugged Joseph, said "Come here Elle, I'll put you over my shoulder" and started trying to burb him. It's funny now but at the time I was annoyed. Never wake Jesse up and ask him to do anything. It's hopeless.

One night Joseph came into our room crying for a glass of water and I couldn't help him because I was ...... take a wild guess what I was doing! Anyway, I woke Jesse up (that in itself took a good two minutes) and asked him to get Joseph some water. Jesse opened up a bottle of water that he had sitting by the bed, took a big drink and then laid back down. Oy vey. Meanwhile Joseph is standing by the bed crying so I had to wake Jesse back up (yes, he fell asleep that fast) to tell him that I didn't wake him up in the middle of the night so that he could have a drink of water. He didn't remember any of it. Sigh.

I never knew that

You know that song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Well, until this morning I thought it was about a little kid seeing his mom actually kissing the real Santa Claus. Then, this morning, I hear on the radio that it's really about a kid seeing his mom kissing his dad who's only dressed as Santa. Well what do you know? All these years I thought it was an odd little song about a boy watching his mom be unfaithful to his dad and it turns out that it's actually a peppy little tune about a kid watching his parent's do a little role playing.

Nursing news

On Friday night we went out with Becky, Amanda, Mathew and a few of his friends. Mom and Dad watched the kids. It was so nice to get out of the house and not have to worry about the kids for a few hours. It's been nearly a year since I had anything at all to drink and I may have had a bit too much "fun". (Not as much "fun" as a certain male cousin of mine who I won't name though.......) Since I didn't want to get Elle drunk I gave her milk that I had pumped ealier for the rest of the night. Much to my suprise, the next morning I was actually missing nursing her. I was ready to have that special time with her again. She must have missed it too because when I tried to start nursing her she just kept giving me this huge smile.

Overall nursing continues to go better and better every day. One night she even slept for 4 hours without needing to eat. It was a happy day. She's not having any problems latching on now and I've noticed that most of the time she eats faster. She still has the occasional 1 hour feeding but most of the time now she's down to about 15 minutes.

She's in her swing right now. I swear, she's a total swing junkie. She likes to sit in her swing and watch Joseph run around. It's actually pretty cute. He flies around the room at 90 miles an minute and she sits in her swing and smiles and coos at him until she falls asleep. Joseph, on the other hand, does not fall asleep or stop going 90 miles a minute. Admittedly it's not as cute.

Good point .... or is it?

Gwen pointed out that Charmin wet wipes are a good thing because they help you get clean. As she put it "If you got poop on your hand you wouldn't wipe it with a dry tissue would you?" Good point. Or is it? The problem with that is that I don't do things like prepare food with my butt. I mean, not unless it's a special occasion.

Amazing

You have got to see this:
http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=14019

Who?

Who the hell is Freshy Freshington? Why does everyone seem to know but me?

You know what commercial I hate? The Charmin ones with the bears in the woods. They are not cute, they are gross. The one I hate the most is for the Charmin wet wipes. The announcer says "Tried everything to get clean? Try new Charmin Wipes!"

"Everything"? If you're trying "everything" to get clean after you use the bathroom and it's still not working then there is something wrong. You need to see a doctor.

See Jenny. See Jenny's family

Elle is very fussy right now. She's only happy if she's in her swing. She needs to swing for the next few hours. Swing Elle, swing!

Joseph is very grumpy right now. He ate too much popcorn when I took him to see Chicken Little and he just threw up. He also has a headache. He needs to go to bed. Sleep Joseph, sleep!

Jesse is very crabby right now. His stomach is bothering him. He thinks it might be from leftover chinese food gone bad. He needs to stop passing gas around me. Stop Jesse, stop!

Big and little gains

Joseph has learned a new skill. Today he was using the computer and Elle was in her swing and all was right with the world so I thought I would run upstairs and go to the bathroom. No sooner do I sit down than the phone rings. I figured I would let the answering machine get it but I heard Joseph pick up the phone and say hello. He then informed the caller that I couldn't come to the phone because I was "going potty". The good news is that it was Jesse's aunt Pam and not someone who would think it was weird that I would let my 5 year old answer the phone and talk about my bathroom business. The better news is that Joseph has learned how to answer the phone. He's so smart.

Elle is continuing to gain weight like a champ. Today she weighed in at 11 pounds, 9 ounces. I can't believe how big she's getting! The good news is she's growing like a weed and the better news is that nursing has been going really well lately. Most of the time she latches right on without any problem. Sometimes she'll nurse for half an hour of more but most of the time it's just 15 minutes or so. It seems like she's getting on a schedule of nursing every 3 hours or so. She's so smart too.

It's a swing thing

Thank goodness for the baby swing. Elle's snoozing in it right now and it's the first real nap she's taken all day. If I turn the swing off or make too mucn noise or walk by her or breath wrong she wakes up and screams at me. This is not one of her better days. She was in a good mood this morning (see my last post) but all afternoon and evening she's been crabby. Poor kid. It's hard work being a baby.

On another, totally unrelated to anything note, aren't the Weavers on The Amazing Race horrid people? How can you throw trash at someone who moments earlier tried to comfort you and then cry over how hard it is to be you because you're the only people in the race who are really good people? They all suck. Then they have the nerve to mock someone for being a garbage man. Uh, your dad worked at a race car track. Not exactly high society stuff there. Boy, they really rub me the wrong way.

The kids

On Saturday we went to the mall and Joseph got something that every 5 year old boy dreams about - a scented candle. I had told him that when he was a baby I would take him into Yankee Candle Company and he liked to sniff the candles. He thought that was so funny that he decided to re-enact it when we went into YCC on Saturday. He found a candle that smelled like cookies and he just had to have it. After it was paid for the cashier gave him his own little bag and he carried the candle around the mall, taking it out and sniffing it every few minutes. He's made me promise not to burn it because it's his candle and his alone. He asked me if he could burn it in his room if he promised not to burn the house down. I think I might have to pass on that one.

This morning I was nursing Elle and she was wide awake and looking at me the whole time. I guess she was in a good mood or something because she kept letting go of me to give me these big crazy grins. Then she would realize she wasn't eating anymore and would start to fuss. After I got her latched on again she would look at me and then break away to smile again. She kept doing it over and over again and it was making me laugh so hard. Funny baby.

My little piggy

A few hours ago I was ready to throw in the towel on nursing. It's often frustrating for me (and sometimes Elle too). Today was rough because Elle has been refusing to latch on for more than a few sucks at a time. She's been doing that since about midnight last night and then all day today. She acts hungry but she just won't nurse and I was getting more and more frustrated. Not with her of course, just with the whole thing. I was worrying that she wasn't getting enough to eat.

So this afternoon I went to see a nurse practitioner/lactation consultant and had her give me some advice. She said this is something that babies do sometimes. She suggested that I try feeding her in the bathtub of all places. How weird is that? She said overall Elle looks very good and is clearly getting enough to eat since she now weighs in at 10 pounds 14 ounces. Heh. I guess she is getting enough to eat after all.

So I'll stick with nursing. I really don't want to stop, I just want it to go easier. I think a lot of my problems with it come from second guessing myself. Maybe I just need to give it more time so that it all seems more natural. We must be doing something right though since she's gained so much weight. What a little piggy.

Joseph is weird

Joseph and I went to Monday Night Class last week. When we were leaving he said that he liked all of the kids in the class and that they were all his friends. Then he said "The most one I like is Isabella ...... I think I just fell in love!". Later he was talking about her more and he said "I think I have a girlfriend now!". He is a strange little boy.

I love my kids

Today I was sitting on the couch with Elle on my lap and Joseph siting next to me. Joseph and I were talking to Elle and she was so cute! One of us would talk and she would swing her head around to look at us and get this HUGE grin on her face. Then the other one would talk and she would swing her head back the other way and grin again. She kept making this little giggling sounds and happy little grunts. It was so cute! Joseph really got a kick out of it too. He kept laughing and saying "Look at her look at me! She loves having a big brother!" It was all very sweet and the 3 of us just sat there and laughed together for about half an hour. I love stuff like that.

Wahhhhh!

Anyone want 2 kids? They're free to a good home! The little one is going through a pattern of nursing for an hour and then crying for the next two. Then she falls asleep for 5 minutes and wakes up to start the whole thing over again. The big one won't stop singing the Scooby Doo song at the top of his lungs and currently has every toy he owns spread across the house. It's good times at our house.

Baby's first bath

Elle had her first real bath last night. Even though her cord came off a while ago I've still been doing sponge baths. Last night I decided to go for the real thing so I filled the tub up and got in with her. It's how I used to bathe Joseph so it's what I'm the most comfortable with. Elle loved it! I gently supported her head and shoulders and kind of let her float around for a while. She had this happy, awed look on her face the whole time. She never fussed at all, even when I washed her hair. It was so much fun, I could have kept her in there for hours but the water started to get cold and her little legs started shaking so we had to be done. I handed her off to Jesse and turned on the shower so that I could wash my hair quick. Of course that was Elle's cue to start screaming to be fed. She pretty much kept that up all night and I was up at least once an hour to nurse her. She's such a monster.

Joseph is doing good. His cold seems to be getting better. The other day he was eating lunch and out of the blue he said that he made up a joke that he wanted to tell me. Here it is: What is a witch's favorite drink? Apple spider (instead of apple cider). Isn't that clever? He's such a smart little boy.

Happy Halloween!

This year I'm going as a woman who's two kids both have colds. It's an awesome costume. It's pretty much made up of looking like hell and having dried snot all over my shirt. Good times.

Hey! That hurts!

Today Elle kept making herself cry because she would grab onto the hair on the back of her head and yank on it. After I would pry her fingers open she would look all dazed and confused for a minute then her hand would go right back up to her head. Poor little thing. I had to laugh.

Finally, we got a decent night's sleep last night. Elle nursed around 11:00 and then didn't wake up again till about 3:30 and then not again until about 7:00. It was awesome. Jesse and I were on cloud 9 this morning. She's turning out to be pretty darn perfect after all.

Elle's Law

Elle's Law: If Mommy puts you in the carseat to take you somewhere that means it's time to wake up and demand to be fed RIGHT NOW. Do this even if Mommy is running very late and just tried to feed you 20 minutes earlier to prevent this from happening.

Ok, it might sound like a joke but it's not. I think Elle is trying to set a record for how many public places she can be nursed in. I had to nurse her while Joseph was in therapy today. The good news was that she did beautifully. She latched on right away and sucked really well for about 10 minutes. After I burped her she nursed for about 5 more minutes without any problems. I was so pleased. I know it's a silly thing to be happy about but it really was nice to have a smooth and easy feeding. Now she just needs to figure out how to do that at 3:00 in the morning too.

Looking back

I was just re-reading the entrys I posted Just prior to going to when I went into labor. It's funny now to see that the restlesness and weird energy I was feeling was just a sign of my impending labor. I'm a little sad that I got gyped out of that "nesting" urge that I had heard so much about. I was looking forward to getting some good housework done. My body decided that instead of preparing my "nest" for the new baby I needed to spend my engery conditioning my hair. Sigh. Oh well, my floors may not be clean but my hair has been really soft and managable since then.

Elle is snoozing in her car seat right now. She's all tuckered out from staying up all night long. It's hard work being a baby, waking up every 20 minutes and crying like you're being poked with pins. I don't know how she does it. Little stinker.

Joseph is doing well, he seems to be getting back into the swing of things. He is being very affectionate with Elle and making a real effort to "help" around the house. He gets a big kick out of it when he talks to Elle and she looks around to find him. I can tell she knows his voice because she really responds to him. Yesterday she was looking right at him and he was so excited that he said "Look at her look at me! She's learning to focus!" So cute.

Elle on-line

Elle has her own website now. Check it out!
http://babyellerose.tripod.com/baby_elle/

Zzzzzzzz

Elle, bless her little heart, is turning me into a zombie. She wants to do nothing but nurse all night long. She wakes up, nurses for 20 minutes or so and then sleeps for about half an hour. Then she wakes up and we do it all again, all night long. Throw in a few diaper changes and few gas bubbles and Jesse and I aren't getting a whole lot of sleep right now. During the day Elle sleeps like a baby and goes about 3 hours in between feedings. The little stinker has her days and nights mixed up but I'm not real sure how to fix it.

Joseph has been a challenge in the past few days too. He occasionaly is helpful and good but for most of the time he's taken to totally ignoring everything we tell him. I've found that I can only repeat something calmly about 10 times before my voice starts to get loud and shrill. I hate hearing myself talk to him like that and that leads to me feeling bad because I'm worried I'm not being nice enough to him. I just keep reminding myself that this is hard for him too and he just needs a little time to adjust.

Really though, both my kids are sweet. I just need about 5 more hours of sleep a night to be able to appreciate them fully.

The straight poop

Early on in my blog I talked about how my biggest fear about giving birth was that I would poop on the table. Ok, so here's the thing about all that. I can honestly say that after about 3 times pushing I stopped caring if I pooped or not. By the way, if you are one of the few people in the world who knows if I did or not, please never, ever, ever tell me. To be perfectly crass, I didn't care if poop or diamonds came out of me as long as it would hurry things along.

Anyway, the important thing here is that I learned a really valuable lesson in all this. The fear I had of pooping while giving birth would end up being nothing ...... compared to the fear I would develope of pooping after giving birth.

Little Miss Elle

Ok, we're home, we've been home for a few days now. Our little girl is here and she is perfect. She weighed 8 pounds and 8 ounces when she was born (thank goodness she came a week early!) and she was 20 inches long. She was born at exactly 11:30 PM. Her eyes are dark blue and her hair is brown. She had to spend her first night and day in the NICU because she was having some problems breathing but that's all ok now.

After Elle got out of the NICU we spent the next night and day just snuggling and working on getting her to nurse. She had some problems with that, she didn't want to latch on. We tried feeding her from a syringe and even from this special little cup. After about 5 days of that I figured I was going to spend the next year pumping and then syringe feeding her all her meals. Then, out of no where she just started doing it. Now she's a pro! She really is perfect after all.

Joseph has been doing pretty well adjusting to having Elle here. He acts up sometimes and earlier today I had to scold him for trying to use her as a foot rest but mostly he seems to be doing ok. He wants to kiss her and hold her all the time. That can be a bit much when I'm trying to change her or feed her but how can I get upset with him for being a good big brother?

All in all we're all doing pretty well. I'm tired and in need of a shower but I'm also very happy to have my little girl (I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!) home with me.

Things are happening

I was supposed to go in at 7 this morning to be induced but they called us at 6 and said they were really busy and they needed to push us back a little bit. We're supposed to call in a little bit and see when we can come in. There's a chance we won't be able to come in at all but I don't think that will happen. One way or another I am going to that hospital.

All night long I had painful contractions that were about 10 minutes apart and now they're about 5 minutes apart. They've been that way since about 6 I guess. We may not need to induce after all.

Updates to follow sooner or later.

Yeesh

Man, I don't know if it's just nervous energy or what but I cannot sit still. One minute I'm ravenously hungry and the next I feel like I'm going to vomit. I go to lay down in bed but 3 minutes later I'm up wandering around. Earlier this evening Joseph was about to get a (well-deserved) time out for refusing to listen to what we were asking him to do and I just burst into tears. I told myself it was because I didn't want him to get a time out on his only night as a lst child but I'm not sure that was it. Even if it was, that's kinda weird. Later I was laying in bed and Jesse came over to talk to me. As he was talking all I could think was "He's way too close to me. If he doesn't back up I'm going to scream. Why is he so close to me? ACK!!!" Now, all of the sudden I have an urge to deep condition my hair.

I think I'm losing my mind.

The end is in sight

Yesterday was my baby shower. It was lots of fun and I got a ton of really cute stuff. Let's keep our fingers crossed that this baby is a girl otherwise I'm going to have a lot of returning to do! Anway, lots of cute clothes and other fun baby stuff recieved so all is good.

Tons of contractions today. Sometimes they're as little as 8 minutes apart but then I'll go for an hour or so without one. They must be doing some good though because my doctor said I won't have to go into the hospital tonight to get the medication to open up my cervix. I'm no more dialted than I was but she says my cervix is a lot softer and thinner than it was. She thinks the medication I'll get tomorrow to get ym contractions going will be enough to get my cervix to open up.

After I get to a certain point in dialation my doctor will break my water and then I will be able to get an epidural. I can't get one before that just in case I get to a certain point in labor and just things just stop. Then they would have to send me home. That would suck but it does happen once in a while. I'm thinking good thoughts though and saying that I'm not leaving that hospital without a baby in my arms.

Ack, I'm having a contraction and a hot flash and I have to pee. I'm no longer able to make sense. I'll try to give a quick update before I leave for the hospital tomorrow. Otherwise I'll have Jesse update things after the baby is born. God lord, it's hot in here.

Weird stuff

Pregnancy does such strange things to you. I've heard of pregnant women craving dirt and other odd things before but I never understood it. That is, until I developed some really off the wall cravings myself. In the past few weeks I have craved the smell of gasoline. When I go out somewhere I always hope that I'll end up driving behind some big stinky truck belching black smoke. I sometimes have an insane desire to run out to the garage and sniff the lawn mower. I don't know exactly what to make of that.

Perhaps even stranger is the craving that I have gotten for mint gum. I have to chew it non-stop lately. That's not such a big deal big what is weird is that I also have the craving to swallow it. Most of the time I'm able to resist but I couple of times now I have been doing something or other and without even realizing it I swallow that giant wad of gum I'm chewing. Why in the world would by body crave something like that? By the way, I asked and it's just a myth that gum stays in your stomach for seven years if you swallow it.

Anyway, it will all be over soon and I'll be able to drive past a gas station without feeling the need to stop in for gum and fumes.

An actual conversation

This is a 100% true conversation that I had with Joseph yesterday.

Joseph: Did you miss me when I was gone?
Me: Yes, very much.
J: Why?
M: Because I love you and I like having you around.
J: Are you glad I'm home?
M: Yes.
J: Because a home is not complete without me?

Later he pointed to my and Jesse's wedding picture.
Joseph: That's you and Daddy when you got weddinged.
Me: Yeah, that's when we got married.
J: Before you had me?
M: Right.
J: Why did you decide to have me then?
M: Because we wanted to add a child to our family.
J: Because you need a special child like me to make you into a family?

Geez, this kid.

Fun with painkillers

I woke up about at about 2 AM in a lot of pain this morning. At about 5 I decided to try to go to the bathroom and I could hardly get out of bed. I had to lunge and heave myself into the bathroom and then back to bed when I was done. I was sweating and nauseus from the effort. Jesse stayed home from work today to take me to the doctors office. My regular doctor has the day off so I saw her back-up who I also really like. He poked and prodded at me and determined that I have a UTI and pain resulting from my pelvis widening and stetching to get ready for the baby to be born. He gave me a prescription for antibiotics and massive amounts of pain killers so that I can walk around the house again. Good times.

Joseph came home yesterday and I am so super excited so I want to update about that but right now I really hurt too much. I am going to take some pills and go to bed for now. More later.

The good with the bad

Ok, I had stuff to say yesterday but I didn't because it made me too crabby. It's allowed, I'm 9 months pregnant. My doctor's appointment did not go as swimmingly as I had hoped it would.

Let's see, first off, the doctor thinks the baby weighs about 7 pounds right now. She asked if I was a big baby and I said no but big babies with big heads ran in my husbands family. We laughed and agreed that's not really the sort of thing you think of when you're dating someone.

She scheduled me for inducement on Tuesday at 7 AM. I may end up actually having to in on Monday night though to get some additional medication to get my cervix ready. In spite of all the pain and contractions I've been having for the past week my cervix is no more dialated than it was so if it still hasn't changed by Monday we'll give it a little extra help.

My blood pressure has gone way up in the last week. My doctor guesses it has something to do with the pain I've been having since everything else (blood, urine and whatnot) seems to be ok. She wants me on bedrest for the next week. Even as she was telling me that she laughed and said she has never seen a stay-at-home-mom actually do bedrest but I'm supposed to just do my best. Mostly I'm just supposed to take it easy and rest as much as I can. That all is what has put me in such a bad mood and I can't even put my finger on why. Maybe it's because it already seems like the last few weeks have just dragged by and I'm just ready for this all to end without any further complications. Sigh. One more week to go.

As for some really good news, we get to pick up my little boy tonght! Hooray! I've missed him so much, I just can't wait to see him at the airport. It makes me a little bit teary just thinking about it.

The blues

I'm in a great big funk right now. All I have the motivation or desire to do is lay around in my fat lady nightgown and think about home made brownies. Don't you dare judge me!

Still missing Joseph

I am amazed at how much I miss Joseph. Everything makes me think about him. We went out to eat tonight with Judy and her parents and I got crackers with my soup. I found myself thinking "Joseph always wants to eat the crackers that come with soup. I should save these for him." I guess in case he's not getting enough stuff in Disney World I should have saved those two saltines that came free with my dinner.

He called tonight while he was watching the Halloween parade in the Magic Kingdom. He was enjoying it too much to say a whole lot but he did tell me that he got a lot of candy and saw the Headless Horseman. I talked to Dad for a second too and he said the Halloween party was "a ball". Then he had to get off the phone to take pictures.

Judy and her parents came for a visit today. It was nice to see them. We went out for dinner and then for ice cream and I don't think I will ever eat again. Judy brought a bunch of stuff she made for the baby. It's all so cute! There were blankets and changing pads and changing pad covers and burb clothes and crib sheets. She used a bunch of different prints and it's all very cute. Good to have that stuff ready to go.

I have to go sit on the exercise ball now, my back is killing me and that's one of the only things that seems to help. More Joseph stuff tomorrow.

My birth plan

I'm going to the hospital in about 15 minutes to meet with a labor/delivery nurse to get a tour of the birthing facilities and write out a birth plan. My birth plan will mostly include things like "give me lots of pain killers" and "I don't want to feel a lot of pain" and "try to get some of that slimy stuff off the baby before you put it on me".

I seriously thought I was in labor last night. I was having contractions and back pain from hell. It went on for several hours and nothing helped. The contractions slowed down and the back pain went away (kind of) overnight but I'm still feeling .... I don't know, weird I guess.

Joseph update! He called me this afternoon to tell me about the rides he had been on and to ask if I had gotten any new Scooby Doo books. My mom got on the phone and said this morning Joseph got very homesick and asked "Why did you have to take me on this vacation? Why couldn't you have brought Mommy with?" Ok, it's not like I want him to be homesick but I am a little bit relieved that he hasn't forgotten about me. I thought for sure he would be having so much fun with Grandma and Grandpa that he wouldn't ever want to come home and see me again. I guess he was so sad this morning that the only thing Mom and Dad could do to cheer him up was to promise to take him off Disney property and buy him some Scooby Doo books. Crazy kid.

Missing Mr Joe

I had three goals for yesterday:
1) Take Joseph and my parents to the airport.
2) To not turn into a blubbering, weepy mess.
3) Return home and gets lots of sleep.

I managed to do 2 of those, guess what ones they were. The day started when we woke Joseph up a little after 4 AM. He was so excited that his whole little body was trembling and he kept saying "This is the day I've been waiting for all my life!" He happily vibrated thoughout the house as we got ready to go. We got in the car and went to my parents house to pick them up. Joseph was on cloud 9.

All was good as we got to the airport and parked. All was good as we walked in. All was a little less good when it came time for my parents and Joseph to check in. I bent down to remind him to always stay where Grandma and Grandpa could see him and to be a good listener. He happily replied that he would and I turned into a giant weeping idiot. Then my mom started crying. Joseph didn't even notice, thank goodness. They checked in and then moved over to the security check point and I was still weeping like a baby. Hugs all around and Joseph gave the baby some "lovin'" (he kind of rubs his face against my belly). Then they went through security and I cried more. Then my mom saw us watching and had Joseph wave to us. He looked so cute and happy and excited and now I'm getting all choked up again just thinking about it. My dad had Joseph wave to us one more time and then we left. Before we walked out of the air port I stopped in a bathroom and started crying again. Then I cried in the car. Then I cried when we stopped to get something to eat. Then I cried at home. Then I slept for several hours.

Joseph called me when their plane landed. He kept telling me they were really in "boring Atlanta". He's a nut.

He also called at night to say hi. I asked him where he was and he said "Disney World!". I sounded like he was having lots of fun. He told me what rides they went on (Small World - he thought that was going to be scary because he saw a commercial for it and it had a tiger on it but really it was a "sweet ride". Buzz Lightyear Space Ranger Spin - He covered his eyes and Grandmpa told him what was happening and then Grandpa also got the high score. TTA - They rode it 3 times! ) My mom said they also did Mickey's Philharmagic several times and that each time Joseph literally screamed with laughter.

It sounds like they're having lots of fun and they'll call again tonight. As for myself I am amazed at how much I miss him. I'm enjoying the break and believe me I'm taking advantage of it but at the same time I'm so lonely for my little boy. Sigh.

Possible

These days 1 in 4 births are done by c-section. That's kind of a lot. To be honest I haven't really thought much about that being a possibility for me because it kind of freaks me the frigg out. I decided though that I should be informed about all the possible outcomes of the baby's birth so I forced myself to do some reading on c-sections today. I am now feeling informed but no less freaked out about the idea. I know it's a pretty standard procedure and probably not such a huge deal but man, it's still scary to me.

Oh well, nothing I need to worry about now I guess, it's just something I've been thinking about.

I know the feeling

Joseph was such a little stinker today at therapy. He wouldn't listen to anything that he was aksed to do and pretty much just sat there and ignored the therapist. I dopn't know if it's the weather, the fact that he's leaving for his trip tomorrow or what. When we were leaving therapy I asked him what was up with the way he was acting and he said "I don't know Mommy, I'm just not myself today." Couldn't have put it better myself.

As for me, I can't wait for this baby to be born so that I can get some sleep. I started having contractions again last night and that led to a night of terrible back pain. I think I managed to fall asleep at about 4 AM and even then I only got about 2 hours of real, uninterupted sleep. I am totally miserable and there's nothing I can do about it but wait, wait, wait.

I will say this though: Whatever problems I have had with this pregnancy I am glad that they only affected me and not the baby. I would rather have all this pain than a problem that could affect the baby like high blood pressure or gestational diabetes or something like that. I am thankful for that. And as much as I say I want to be done with the pregnancy because I'm tired of the pain (and I am!) I'm even more excited to meet my new little one. It's to strange to think that in just a little while I'm going to have 2 kids. How can that be? That's something grown-ups do!

Opps!

I just realized that we didn't take Joseph to Monday night class yesterday. He'll be gone for next weeks class and the week after that there is no class. Well shoot, what am I going to do without my Monday night class to keep me entertained? I guess I could stick sharp objects in my eyes and ears to replicate the experiance.

I tried updating my baby ticker on the top of the page to show the new (I hope) date for when the baby gets here but it doesn't seem to be working right now. I'll have to futz with that a bit. Eek, it's coming soon!

Update!

The doctors appointment went well. I asked her to please, please, please induce me a week early and much to my suprise she agreed. I have to go in for a regular check-up next Tuesday and that's the earliest that she can put me on the list for inducement on the 11th of October. The only bad thing about being scheduled for an inducement is that if there is an emergency I will get bumped to make room. Oh well, who cares? The end is in sight! I am a happy girl today.

In other news, I have another update on what I know everyone has been waiting to hear about: my cervix. Big changes this week. The doctor said I am dialted about 1 cm and that my cervix is (in her highly medical sounding terms) "squishy" and getting softer. Looks like those contractions I've been having have actually been doing some good and not just keeping me up at night. I know it's only one teeny little cm but I prefer to think of it as 1/10th of the way there.

I was able to take a nap today too so things really are looking good. An inducement date set, a squishy cervix and a nap. What more could a girl ask for?

Futile attempt

I'm going to go to the doctor in about an hour and beg her to induce me on Oct 11th. I'll get down on my hands and knees if I need to. I don't think it will work, in fact I will be shocked if it does. She has said that she doesn't induce unless there's a pressing medical need. I'm still going to try though. It's not that early and I feel like I have a variety of good reasons. There's scheduling stuff and the fact that I can't even walk up the stairs without whimpering in pain. Wish me luck.

Baby class

So we had our dreaded birthing class this weekend. Much to my suprise it was not so bad. There was no one in the class who was really loud and obnoxious and no one wasted time by asking a bunch of stupid questions. The instructor was really good. She's a labor and delivery nurse at the hospital so she had lots of first hand experiance. She was really informative and had lot of funny stories to help the time pass relativly quickly. I'm not sure I feel like I couldn't have gotten by witout taking the class but it did answer a few questions I had about pain relief options and a few other minor details.

We also went to Mom and Dad's Halloween Planning Party. Good times as always. Joseph was excited to "help" with greeting guests and passing out some gummy candy that he had picked out. He also had a lot of ideas for the haunted house. I had no idea my happy little boy could be dark! "Maybe we could have a head roasting in the fire! Maybe we could have two arms chopping up a head! Maybe I could put my spooky Halloween catalog in the haunted house!" Ok, so the last one was less dark and more cute but you get the picture. As always there was way too much good food and I've been munching on left over cookies all morning.

Starting at the class yesterday my back really started to hurt. By the time we got to Mom and Dad's house I was having moments when I was almost in tears. By the time we left I was feeling sick from the pain. I was also having a few contractions here and there. Jesse was convinced I was in labor and that I would have to go to the hospital. I was certain I wasn't. My logic? I couldn't be in labor because I didn't have my bag packed and I hadn't pre-registered on-line yet. Both will be done today by the way. Makes sense right? Anyway, I laid down on the couch when I got home, drank a bunch of water and took a sleeping pill. I still slept pretty restlessly but as the night went on my back slowly started feeling better.

So no labor for me today and now we're off to buy the last couple things I need to have my bag packed. Then no one will have any reason to give me a hard time anymore.

Pineapple

I am in so much pain today I just want to cry. My back aches, my torn muscle is screaming and my hips hurt from trying (without much success) to sleep on my side last night. I am so sore.

I just read that eating pineapple can trigger labor. I've got three cans of it in my cupboards right now. I wonder if it works. Not that I really want to have the baby today but I am tired of being so sore. Maybe I'll have to keep it in mind until a little closer to my due date.

Another day

Another day, another doctor's appointment. Things are still looking good. My blood pressure is up again a little bit but since my blood pressure is normally low I'm still in the normal range. I am swelling up like crazy though (mostly my legs and hands) and I think that has a lot to do with the 2 and 1/2 pounds I gained last week. 1/2 pound of that is the baby but I think a lot of it is water weight too. Kind of a suprise that I gained so much since I had only gained 1/2 pound in the 3 and a half weeks before my last appointment.

My doctor gave me a prescription for baby-safe sleeping pills that I can take every few days or so to help head off head aches. I took one last night and I slept really well. Maybe too well since I nearly wet the bed.... Anyway, it was nice to get a full night's sleep. If I can just do that every few days I think I'll feel a lot better.

I need to go lay down now. My back is killing me.

Monday Night Class

The dreaded Monday Night Class started up again last night. It seems to be a mixture of some new pretty normal people and some of the same old freaks and weirdos. There were 4 people in the group who would not stop talking no matter what. It got kind of amusing to watch them try to out-talk each other after a while. One would stop to take a breath and the other 3 would jump in and talk for 5 minutes straight. The parent educator kept trying to nicely move things along but I don't think subtlety is going to work with these people. She may have to bring a big stick to the next class to hit people over the head with. I told Jesse that we have to go in thinking htat we're there for Joseph (because he enjoys it) and not to expect to get anything out of it, including the chance to talk. Seriously, we were interrupted about 5 times while introducing ourselves.

My favorite mother from last year is back. Ok, not my favorite but the one who nearly had me bursting a blood vessle every time she talked. She does this thing that just drives me crazy. She thinks everything is "amazing". She describes things that way about 10 times in one sentance. Only here's the thing: She says it wrong. Instead of saying "It was amazing" she says "It was amaze". Every single time she says it like that. I have to bite my tounge not to correct her. I don't know if she's saying "amaze" or "a maze" but either way it's wrong and makes me want to lunge across the table screaming "AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING!" just to get her to say it right. It's strange how something so small can drive you so nuts. It's amaze really.

Joseph

Sometimes Joseph is a little bit of a smart-ass. Yesterday Jesse walked into the living room where Joseph and I were and Joseph said (out of nowhere) "Oh no, not you again!". We couldn't help it, we had to laugh.

Today he was so cute when he got home from school. He was laughing so hard as he got off the bus that he was almost falling down. I think what happened was that he and some other kids were making up new parts to "Brown Bear, Brown Bear What Do You See?". He was laughing to hard to make if very clear but I think some kid said "gorilla" and he said "spaghetti". You can see how laughter would be the natural response. Anyway, it was very cute.

A helpful hint

Here's my hint for you if you find yourself having to go to the emergancy room for a migraine headache: Try to be a pregnant woman.

It's the best advice I can give. Let's compare shall we? In a normal situation you might go to the emergency room and have to wait an hour for a room even if there's only one other person in the waiting room. After you get your room you'll be left alone for two hours until you are finally forced to buzz the nurse and ask if anyone is going to see you. After they let you know they've forgotten you they might send in someone who seems to think you're wasting their time. They will promise to go talk to a doctor. You'll never see the doctor unless he comes in to question why you're even there in the first place and to snottily suggest that you're problem's really not as bad as you think it is. After a few hours more you might get some medication and you better hope and pray that works because if you ask for more then you start to get the look. (The look implies that you're really a junkie and going through all this just to get an extra drop of morphine. This is fun.) After many, many hours you might have gotten a little relief or you might have just given up and wandered out.

Now compare this to what happens when you go into the emergency room when you're eight months pregnant. The triage nurse calls you almost right away to check you out. When she notices your belly she says that they're sending you upstairs "just to be on the safe side". Even when you explain that you're only there for a migraine she insists that you go. She asks if you'fe been having any contractions. You say you have because you're 8 months pregnant. When you go on to explain that you've been having bad back pains the nurse gets a strange smile on her face and cannot rush you upstairs fast enough.

Once upstairs you get a private, big room and attentive nurses. Your belly gets two monitors strapped to it so you get to hear the baby's heartbeat (and hiccups!) and see your contractions on a little print out. (That part is kind of cool.) The nurse immediatly gets your own doctor on the phone and they figure out a plan. Within an hour of getting there you have had pain meds and something to help with your naseau and the nurse has brought you something to eat. You get more pain meds when you ask and then you even get enough to get the baby to go to sleep and as an added bonus the contractions stop. If you buzz for the nurse someone comes in almost right away and doesn't make you feel like you're bothering them. When you're still having some pain they call your doctor again and then (here's the really amazing part) they discuss your options with you! You're sent home with more pain meds, a pill to help you sleep and a back-up plan in case this doesn't work. It's amazing. Then you get to sleep for about 16 hours and then you feel a lot better.

So yes, if you can do it I suggest only going to the emergancy room when you're in the proccess of being a woman who's 8 months pregnant.

Fun Joseph fact

Joseph loves all things Swiffer related. He wants to use ours all the time. If he sees a commercial on TV for a Swiffer product he wants to go out and buy it and use it right away. One day at Target I told him he could pick out a treat and he almost chose a Swiffer RugVac. Seriously, the kid loves the Swiffers.

Self confidence

Dad, it's ok to start reading again. For now.

Yesterday Jesse was going to take Joseph to get a haircut. When I told him that he said "Whhhhhhyyyy? I'm already handsome!"

This morning I told him how cute he looked and he said "I know, and it's nice to have my hair all neat and tidy now......... Maybe you should get a haircut too Mommy."

Too much information

First off, Ben, I got your email.

Next, I had a doctors appointment today. Everything is looking pretty good. My blood pressure is up a little bit but it's low to start with so that's not a big concern. The doctor mentioned that being stressed out or in pain can cause that and I told her that I'm getting very little sleep at night because I'm in so much pain (what with the torn muscle and all). She encouraged me to keep on taking tylenol during the day but gave me something stronger for at night when the pain is the worst. I hope that helps since right now I'm probably getting about 4 hours of sleep a night.

I only gained 1/2 pouind ince my last appointment. Color me suprised. At this stage the baby gains about 1/2 a week and it's been about 2 weeks since I was last weighed. The baby is bigger (she's measuring at 37 weeks now) so much to my suprise I haven't really gained any weight at all.

Now the really personal stuff all about my cervix. If you don't want to hear about my cervix then I suggest you stop reading right now.

.........................

........................

For those of you still with me, what are you? Sick? Even I don't want to hear about my cervix. But here goes. I'm not dialated at all but she thinks the mucus plug is gone. When she pressed against my cervix she said right away that she could feel the baby's head right against it. So the baby has dropped down (or "engaged") and that is probably why I hurt so much and why I pee with the force of a fire hose. Anyway, that all looked good and healthy.

So far things are looking good, right on track. I think I'll be feeling a little better if I am able to get more sleep at night too. I can't complain because the baby is active seems healthy. I can do this for a few more weeks I guess.

I said "early" people!

I asked people to guess when the baby would be born. I said I thought it would be early. The baby is due on October 17th. So far the two guesses I have gotten are Oct 25th and Oct 26th. Stop messing with me! It's going to come early! It has to.

It has to.

My least favorite commercial

My least favorite commercial is for Dove deodorant. It has this woman in it who says this:
I'm here to take the Dove deodorant 7 day challenge. I'm getting married in September so I'm really going to have to do a lot of shaving!" Then it goes on to show her talking about how soft her underarms have gotten over the 7 days. There's also a part with her at a laundry mat where she "jokes" "I'm so glamerous right now!".

Ok, the problems with this commercial are too many to mention but let me focus on the big one. Why is she going to have to do a lot of shaving with a wedding coming up in September? Did I miss out on some huge pre-wedding shaving ritual when I got married? Or is this girl just that hairy that she has to plan her shaving out in advance? Does this make sense to anyone at all?

Also, what's with the laundry bit? This commercial wastes enough of my damn time without the laundry sub-plot thank you very much.

I see this commerical all the time and it always drives me nuts. I've been meaning it mention it for a long time now but I was too busy to do it before. You see, I'm having a baby in October and I have to do a lot of shaving before then.

Halloween costume

My parents fook Joseph shopping for a Halloween costume for his night of Trick or Treating in Disney World. He got what I think might be the cutest costume I have ever seen. It's a pirate from the Pirates of the Carribean ride. It is so flippin' cute I can hardly even stand it. He told me that he wanted to be Woody again this year but I guess my parents bribed him into getting the pirate costume by buying him Scooby Doo books. There is nothing that kid won't do for a Scooby book.

We didn't do much this weekend. Got a couple things done around the house, including getting the bassinette ready. I didn't get my hospital bag packed like I had planned to do but I'll do that while Joseph is at school today. I really need to get on the ball since I'm convinced that this baby is going to be born early.

My torn muscle has been hurting so much lately that I have a hard time sleeping at night. If I lay one way too long it hurts but then when I try to turn it hurts so badly that it can bring tears to my eyes. Having to hobble into the bathroom 3 or 4 times a night to pee is just torture. (I think I'm going to take Beany's advice and try sleeping on the toilet.) I'm wondering if all this could be caused by the baby's head dropping down. I've read that can happen up to 4 weeks before you give birth. Hey! Maybe I'll give birth early and I won't have to go to that birthing class that I've been dreading. Then I would have a good excuse for not knowing how to breath right and the doctor would feel sorry for me and just knock me out until the baby is born. Or potty trained. Ok, she probably won't come that early. Anyone care to make a bet on when the baby will be born?

The baby

The baby has not stopped moving at all today. She's big enough now that I can feel a difference between kicks and other movements. Her feet are right up under my ribs on the left side and she's been marching in place all day long. I can feel her arms moving around a lot too today. She's also had hiccups a bunch so when I'm sitting very still I can see my tummy do these little jumps every few seconds. She just has not quit. I don't know where the sudden burst of energy came from but she's a little maniac. My busy, busy girl....... or boy. We'll see I guess.

Survivor Spoiler

This is a Survivor spoiler. It's not who wins but rather what the big suprise twist is that will be revealed in the first episode. Don't read any further if you don't like to be spoiled.

The big twist is that 2 former players will be returning to play again. The buzz (this is pretty much a sure thing) is that it is Bobby Jon and Stephanie from last season. Woo-hoo!

It's all good

School seemed to go very well for Joseph yesterday. He came hom happy and his teacher wrote that he fit right in with the other kids. We were happy to hear that he played on the playground with the other kids. He said they wanted to play Batman so that's what he played too. A big change from last year when he played alone on the playground because he wanted to play Scooby Doo and no one wanted to play it with him. (That always made me so sad.) I thought he sounded kind of proud of himself for playing with the other kids when he was telling me and Mom about it. It was cute.

His afternoon bus driver and helper seem nice too. To my relief he's taking the tiny bus to and from school. I used to worry about him riding the big bus last year. Too much space for things to happen that the helper can't see. This is better. I worry less this way.

I bought one of those circular knitting-for-dummies things and I love it. I've made two little baby hats so far with yarn left over from a baby blanket I made and I'm almost halfway done with a kid sized one now. It's lots of fun and it goes pretty quick. I can see a house full of hats now that I'm getting less and less mobile.

Why didn't anyone tell me how much work getting off the couch can be when you're big and pregnant? And forget about it if I'm laying down. I flop around like a turtle on it's back until I create enough of a commotion for Jesse to hear me and realize I need help. I'm such a delicate flower you know.

If you want to leave a comment (and I know that you do) you have to enter a code now. It's no biggie but the bizzarness of the spam comments were getting to me. Do I care that Asia leads the world in wireless adoption? Do I even know what that means?

Breathing a little easier

Joseph got on the bus a few minutes ago and I'm feeling a little bit better. The bus helper is one of the few normal mothers from his Monday night class. It's a relief that someone who knows him will be on the bus with him at least on the way there. Now I just have to worry about the ride home. I am so sure they are going to drop him off at the wrong spot or send him on a bus full of 7th grade holigans or something.

Bah. Now I'm just getting myself worked up again.

By the way, that fundraiser that I mentioned earlier has raised almost $16,000! It's going on until Monday and it's a good cause so please consider sending even a few bucks their way. I promise I won't ask any more.

Eek!

Today is Joseph's first day of school. He's cool as a cucumber but I'm nervous as can be. I don't know why since he did this all last year and he was a whole year younger at the time. He just seems so little! How can I send him off on a bus and expect total strangers to take care of him for 4 hours then return him to me safe and sound? I had a dream his bus crashed last night so that's not helping either. Now I'm worried that some bigger kid will pick on him on the bus or the driver will drop him off at the wrong place or he'll wander off while on the playground at school. Ack. I think I'll just keep him home with me forever. He'll be safer that way. He doesn't really need school anyway does he?

Fun at the baby's expense

I am so getting this shirt:
http://www.glarkware.com/securestore/c237522p16493759.2.html

While you're checking that out consider donating to the site's fundraiser to raise money to purchase school supplies for children affected by Hurricane Katrina. It's run by good people, they donated to our Relay for Life team and they do a lot of other charity stuff so it's legit. Click to check it out:
http://www.glarkware.com/securestore/c188252p16713448.2.html

My sweet boy

I think I'm addicted to Hurricane Katrina footage. I try not to watch it when Joseph's around because I don't want to upset him so I watch little bits here and there when he's not in the room or I read about it online. Yesterday though I was watching a story about a town that had been totally wiped out and Joseph caught the very tail end of it. He asked why there was such a big mess on tv. I tried to explain that it was a really big storm that had knocked down the buildings but that sort of thing almost never happened and we were safe and nothing like that had happened to us. He asked if it had knocked down houses and I said it had. He started to look worried so I tried to reassure him that we were ok our house was safe. I could see he was getting upset and I thought he might be worried, remembering the storm we saw in Florida or remembering having to camp out in the basement a few weeks ago during a tornado warning. I kept trying to comfort him but his eyes were getting all filled with tears and his lower lip was trembling. Finally has asked me "But where will all those people live while they fix their houses? Now they don't have beds to sleep in!" Oh my god. First off, show me another 5 year old that would think of something like that. Second, it's really hard to give an upbeat, positive answer to that question when you're trying to keep tears from running down your face.

But I think I answered his questions ok. It's hard to know how much to say because on one hand I want to be able to protect him from having to think about bad stuff like that but on the other hand I know he's going to hear about it somewhere and I would rather he hear when he's with me and able to ask questions about it. It's hard to find a good balance.

This morning when he and I came downstairs he turned the tv on and it had been left on the news so he saw a little bit more (about 10 seconds) before I could shut it off. (It's one thing for him to see a knocked down house but he doesn't need to see coverage of the stuff that's going on at the convention center and what not.) When I turned the tv off he turned to me and frantically asked "What about all the babies?" I was able to give him a good answer this time. I told him I had seen a story about all the new babies in hospitals being taken to other hospitals in helicoptors and airplanes. I was able to tell him that all the babies were safe ...... cause, yeah, there's some things a kid doesn't need to know. He got this sweet look on his face, gave my belly a big hug and said "I'm glad our baby is safe in your tummy away from the hurnicane." What am I going to do with my sweet, sweet boy?

Stretch marks, I've had a few...

Then again, too few to mention......

That is until just a few days ago. I thought I was doing pretty good with just a couple small ones around my belly button. Cut to a few days ago when I got out of the shower and saw the underside of my belly. It looks like a filppin' road map with the purple stretch marks on it. I can't see them when I look down but I know they're there and I see them whenever I get out of the shower. Damn, damn, damn.

It's not like I normally wear belly baring shirts or that I think my perfect 10 body has been ruined. I'm just tired of what being pregnant is doing to my body. I don't like looking in the mirror and having to think "Hmmmm, I don't remember that being there before." or "Is this normal?" or "Didn't those used to be higher up?"

Sigh

I'm a little bit depressed. I've been reading too much about Hurricane Katrina online. As if all the devestation wasn't enough then people have to go and make it worse by looting and fighting and generally turning into sub-humans. It's one thing to break into your local Wal-Mart to steal food and blankets, it's another to break into an electronics store to steal a flat screen tv and car stereos or breaking into a children's hospital to steal drugs. Geez, people make me sick. I'm just thankful for my own little corner of the world where my family has a roof over it's head and the people I love are safe.

Fatty McFatButt

That's me! I am now in the + range for my pregnancy weight. I have gained back all that I lost during the morning sickness time plus a little bit more. The doctor said it's ok though since the baby seems healthy and everything else seems to be on track. She told me the swelling in my fingers and feet is normal too and not a problem since my blood pressure is so good. Most likely it's just water retention. So things are looking good ...... as long as I don't catch a glimpse of my backside in any mirrors.

One more thing

I have a funny Joseph story to share ..... of course.

The other night he was taking a bath and I was downstairs. Jesse was in our room. (We've started letting him be in the bath by himself for little bits of time now. It still freaks me out.) I heard a big splash and then nothing else for a minute so I called up and asked if he was ok. He was silent for a second then in this frantic voice he says "I got a little red cut from picking up mommy's purple thing!" He meant my razor blade that someone had forgotten to move while getting his bath ready. I ran up the stairs, Jesse ran in from the other room. We get him out of the tub and it turns out that he has a tiny, tiny cut on one finger. It's bleeding a little bit and this totally freaks him out. Jesse was dabbing at it with a washcloth and Joseph was just crying and crying and crying. He said "Does this mean I'm going to died?" After we reassured him that he would not die from a tiny cut on his finger he had a new worry. "How can I walk around looking like this"? he wailed. After we calmed him down a bit he got angry. "Why would you even buy that thing Mommy?" A valid question since I've drawn blood on myself many-a-time with those purple things. I asked him why he didn't say something right away when he got hurt and he told us he was afraid we would be angry. Poor kid. It's a rough life when you're 5 and you think that a tiny cut on you finger will result in either getting in trouble or dying or being turned into a mutant freak not suitable to walk around in normal society.

Holy crap!

I can't believe how soon this baby is coming. I was talking about it last night with Becky and Jesse and I'm totally freaking out. I tried to comfort myself by saying I had gotten Joseph this far without any major damage but I'm worried I won't be able to have the same luck twice. I just know I'm going to drop this kid on it's head or feed it window cleaner on accident or scar it emotionally when I don't respond exactly the right way to it's cries. Ack!

In lighter news, the weekend was good. We went to the Mall of America with Judy on Saturday. That was fun. Jesse and Joseph got cute matching Viking jereys and I got way to much make-up. Joseph went on some rides at Camp Snoopy, including a ride that nearly scared the living daylights out of him. Basically you sit on a bench and get strapped in and then the bench kind of bounces up and down. He said he liked it but it was kind of hard to tell by the way he was slumped over in his seat hanging onto the lap bar and the little boy next to him for dear life. No big shock that he didn't want to go on it again.

Yesterday Jesse, Becky and I went to a show at the Chanhassen Dinner Theater. (Yes, we were just there but we were able to get a really good deal on tickets via a promotion they were running. For a while it didn't look like we would be able to go but then everything just kind of fell into place and I'm glad it worked out.) It was a two man show depicting the history of the world. It was very funny, it had a lot of laugh out loud parts and we all enjoyed it very much. We also all agreed that the best part was the song about the Potato Famine. Who knew starvation made for such awesome dinner theater?

So, a good weekend. It was nice to be out and doing stuff since in a few weeks we won't be able to pick up and go as easily.

Happy be-lated birthday to my dad (even though I already said it to him on the actually day of his birthday). I had a dream last night that we were making sushi and you kept putting mushrooms in everything. I woke up cursing your name.

Telling it like it is

Yesterday Joseph and Jesse were on the couch rough-housing and being silly. Joseph said "You're stinky Daddy!" Jesse said "That's a pretty rude thing to say". Joseph pauses for a beat and then says "Yeah, well. It's a rough life."

And then we all laughed.

Ouch

I've been feeling really run down the past couple of days, kind of achy all over and sooooo tired. I think maybe I have a bit of a bug. Today I've been having period-like cramps on and off since I woke up. I'm really ready to be done being pregnant.

My funny, funny boy

Joseph cracks me up.

Yesterday we were going to go to the nursing home but he was a little unsure about going after what happened last time. (I think I wrote about it but if not, there was a lady there who kept grabbing at him and chasing after him in her wheelchair and tried to take him to her room and told him not to tell me.) I promised him that I would keep an eye on him and help him out if she bothered him. He comforted himself by saying that maybe she wasn't even there anymore, maybe she went to go live with her kids or heaven. (I really had to bite my lip to keep from laughing at the unintentional innapropriatness of that one.)

We went and the lady was there. Joseph was very nervous. He wanted to dance to the music but he was freaked out too so he just kind of danced in tiny little cirlces around me. Eventually he would move further and further away but he kept running back to me and asking if I was keeping an eye on him. The whole time he stayed as far away from the lady as possible and kept one eye on her.

Eventually he forgot all about her because she seemed to be paying no attention to him. He danced and sang and walked around shaking hands with the residents of the home. (They love him!) At the end of our visit we were sitting at a table kind of near the grabby lady and Joseph hopped off his chair, walked over to her and said "You know the rules of the nursing home better now and you know you can't be grabbing at me like that anymore!" She either didn't hear him or didn't understand him but I ran over and grabbed him before he could say anymore. He happily resumed eating his cake and I sat there shaking from trying to laugh silently. I certainly wasn't going to scold him because he's right, she shouldn't have been grabbing him like that. Plus, it was too funny.

He cracks me up.

Oh baby!

Joseph may have seen Jesse watching Sports Center one too many times. This morning when we got up he ran downstairs and turned on the tv while I went into the bathroom. Sports Center was on and I could hear Joseph saying "Yes! Baseball is on! My team won! I have enough points! Oh no, no, no, no, YES! It's a home run, it's outta here! Oh baby!" I came downstairs and he's sitting on the couch waving his arms around like a madman. He looked and sounded just like Jesse does when he watches Sports Center. It was pretty cute.

That's good irony

Yesterday was mine and Jesse's 6th anniversary. Thank you for a wonderful 6 years sweetie, I love you!

We had a very nice time having dinner and seeing Beauty and the Beast at the Chanhassen dinner theater. The show was almost as good as the gaint piece of cake that we split for dessert. We had really good seats too, right in the center in the second row up.

The only sad thing about yesterday was that my fingers have swollen up all of the sudden and I had to take of my wedding ring. It was turning my finger blue and I was barely able to get it off. My stretch marks and ever-widening bottom don't bother me but I was really sad to have to take my wedding ring off. The good news is that I have my grandma's wedding ring to wear and it's quite a bit bigger than mine so it fits me for now. I hope my fingers won't swell up too much more since they already look like big puffy sausages to me. Oh well, all the better to match my ankles I guess.

Mom and Dad brought over a handmade shelf and three pictures frames for the baby's room. They are so cute! We hung the shelf on the wall over the changing table and mom gave me some pails filled with baby stuff (like diaper cream) to put on it. Fun! It's really starting to look like a baby's room. I guess that's a good thing since I'm due in just 8 weeks. Ack!

Stuff

We searched every store in St Cloud last night and today looking for a very specific clothing organizer that I am not forced to believe never actually existed in the first place. I must have dreamed it. I wanted a canvas clothing organizer that we could hang over the back of Joseph's closet door and that we could put outfits in so that he was all ready to go and had his clothes picked out ahead of time. We couldn't find it anwhere. What a bummer. We did find a living room rug though so that's a good thing.

Jesse was poking my belly today trying to wake the baby up and she gave him a good hard kick. He got a kick (ha ha) out of that. It wasn't so funny for me because she spent the next hour kicking me right under my ribs.

A good day

Joseph ate ravioli at food therapy today. He just about had a melt down when he first saw it on the plate but his therapist was able to get him to try it after just a few minutes. He tasted it and then said "Sometimes I whine about trying new things and then I like it after all!" Color me suprised but he ate about 5 little raviolis all together. It was pretty cool. I think he was proud of himself too because he asked his therapist to leave some of the ravioli so that he could take it home and show his daddy how he could eat a new food.

I'm pretty sure he didn't know that it was pasta or we probably would not have had so much success but what he doesn't know won't hurt him. It was also a big deal because he really does not normally eat anything with a sauce on it. For him to have tomato sauce and not even complain was pretty cool.

Baby steps, I know but it's still a pretty big deal to me.

I need a new house

I think I need to move. This afternoon Joseph and I left to go to an appointment around noon. First thing I noticed was that all the car doors were unlocked. Then, as I was getting Joseph into his seat I noticed that the front seat had papers and jumk spread all over tha place. I went around to the front and the drivers side and the door was parly open. Not open enough to make the dome light go on but not shut tight either. All the stuff in the center consol was gone through and some papers that had been clipped to the visor were spread out on the seat. There was also a key to the other key laying out on the seat. Clearly someone got into the car (I must have let a door unlocked although I'm usually pretty careful about that) and went through it looking for money or cds or something. I'm almost 100% certain that nothing was missing, there was nothing of any kind of value in the car anyway.

Even though nothing was damaged or taken it's still a really yucky feeling. It was probably just some dumb kids. If it had been anyone with half a brain they would have taken the key to the other car and looked in there too since it was parked on the street last night. But it's yucky. Of course this kind of thing could happen anywhere but now I want to move into a house with a 20 foot electric fence around it.

So that's fun.

Joseph had his appointment with the new child psychiatrist today. She was really nice but it was another case of someone talking to us and saying "Yes, it sounds like he has some issues but there's really nothing I can do for you." Frustrating. She wants to see him again in about 3 months after he has been back in school for a while. She gave me some paperwork to have his teachers fill out after he's been in class for a month or so to get their take on his behavior. I guess that's something. Again, she seemed very nice but I just want someone to say "Here's what's wrong and here are some concrete things you can do to deal with it".

I'm just in a terrible mood right now. I don't think the weather is helping. I think a good cry and some ice cream might help. Sigh.

Mmmmm.....Food

Jesse was laughing at me the other night because he found a scrap piece of paper by the computer that I had written the word "Food" on. That's all it said. I don't remember why or when I did it.

Duh

I go to this website every Monday that has a week-by-week pregnancy calender to see what's going on with the baby's development. This week was pretty short on baby info but had a lot of stuff about how around this time pregnancy can become really uncomfortable. To that I say "Duh". For weeks now I've had pain just getting out of bed or walking around the block. I didn't need a website to tell me that now that I've got a 3 and a half pound human being inside of me that I'm going to be having some discomfort.

I've noticed lately how hard it is to get up off the floor when I've been sitting down playing with Joseph or something. The other day I was home alone and decided to take a shower and shave my legs. After I was done I just sat there wondering how in the world I was going to get up off the shower floor. I kind of had to rock back and forth and heave myself up. This was made all the more graceful looking by how seriously cramped our shower is. I decided that from then on out I won't sit down in the shower (or take a bath) unless Jesse is home in case I need him to help me stand up.

I've been taking a lot of baths lately, it's a big help with making my back feel better. I also found them to be helpful with soothing the heebie-jeebies in my legs. They've gotten so bad at night lately that I often have a hard time falling alseep at night because I just can't keep my legs still. This is often associated with pregnancy and of course that means that I'm having problems with it. From here on out if I hear a woman say how much she loved being pregnant or how it was tht best she ever felt I am slapping her.

Rah Rah Rah

Yesterday I bought the baby the cutest little Viking's cheerleader outfit. I figured we can put her in it and put Joseph in his jersey and have their pictures taken together. We'll have to get Joseph a new jersey though since his old one is a Randy Moss one. Yuck. Anyway, the baby's outfit is the cutest little thing that you ever did see and I thought it was rather appropriate given that she's already begun practicing those high kicks and flips.

Aurgh!

Do you know how hard it is to put Joseph in time out? He looks at me with these big eyes filled with tears and in the most heartbreaking little voice he cries "I thought we loooooooved each other! I thought we were best friends!"

It's even harder to get him to stay there. A 5 minute time out ends up lasting 20 minutes or more as we battle for control. I say sit down, he jumps up. I say be quiet, he talks. I say leave your pants on, he strips naked. In the end I'm exhuasted and I feel like he's gotten nothing out of it. Right now he's happily sitting on the couch playing with a Star Wars sticker book and singing some song he made up. I just want to say "Be sorrowful damn it!" If I have to feel bad for acting like a nag then he should have to feel bad for driving me to it.

Darn kids. Why am I doing this again?

Good Night!

I'm writing this from y parents house where Joseph and I slept last night. I use the term "slept" very loosely since Joseph spent most of the night flipping around, throwing various limbs over me and making loud noises with his mouth and nose. I spent most of the night gritting my teeth and getting leg cramps.

Anyway, we slept here because last night I found a few mites in my bedroom and some on the frame of Joseph's door. I made Jesse spray the whole house with bug spray, wash all the bedding and decontaminate the AC. I figured it might be best if Joseph and I weren't around to breath in the bug spray all night long. Jesse chose to sleep at home though. I'm sure he's fine.

Despite the lack of sleep Joseph seems to be doing ok. I have to take him to therapy in a little bit where I'm sure he will have a complete and total meltdown. It's what he does. After therapy I'll drive him around until he falls alseep then I'll take him home so we can both catch a little shut-eye.

My hope is to try to avoid dreaming about the baby again. For the past two night I've dreamed about the baby and each time it was the ugliest flippin' thing you've ever seen. In my dream last night the baby was about 3 months old and needed glasses. For some reason we picked out tinted lenses for her. Her head was too big to fit any of the frames so we had to just kind of stick the lenses to her face. It was ugly. But she could talk so I guess it all evened out.

The gift that keeps on giving

When I was younger and would watch a game show I always thought the host would tell the losers "We're not sending you away empty handed, you'll get some nice party gifts." I always wondered why they got party gifts. It wasn't until very recently (like, last week) that I realized that they were saying parting gifts. That makes a lot more sense I guess.

Anyway, the little birds that were living next to our air conditioner have gone but they're left us a nice party gift: mites. I'm too freaked out by the whole thing to go into too much detail but I will say that every hour or so I spray the air conditioner with toxic chemicals and scrub it off to try to kill the one's that are trying to get inside. This is just a temporary fix until Jesse comes home tonight and tears the AC unit out and fumigates the whole thing.

Opps, I just heard the birds again. I guess they haven't left. Well, I hope they enjoy their last few hours in their nest because come tonight they are learning to fly, ready or not. And for what they've done to our house, I won't be getting them any party gifts.

Heh

I was just cleaning out my email inbox of the 10,000 junk emails I get each day. Usually I just delete them without paying any attention but one caught my eye. It said "You're Black and single and we've found the perfect match for you!". I guess someone out there knows something about me that I don't.

A few more things

We're able to check a few more things off our Need To Do / Need To Buy list this weekend. We got the changing table from Bill and Pam into the baby's room and it fits perfectly. Judy came on Monday and got us a crib matress, a baby sling/carrier and some other odds and ends. (She also got Joseph a SpongeBob Matchbox car set that he has not stopped playing with all day.) SO now we're doing ok, I feel like we're pretty much on track.

Mom also came over this weekend and helped (as in, did it all) clean the living room and Joseph's room. It was awesome. Well, it still is because we've all been working on keeping it neat. That's the trick, just don't let it get bad in the first place. I just need to keep telling myself to not let the little things slid or else they turn into not so little messes.

So what's new with the baby? She weighs about 3 pounds now and is about 15 inches long. That's what the experts say anway. Given how I can feel her stretch out I think she's built more like a giraffe. A really strong giraffe. The baby is also aware of light and dark and can even smell really strong smells and that's a concept so strange to me that I can't even wrap my head around it.

I can't believe that I only have 10 weeks to go. Ack!

Crazy kid

I took Joseph for his 5 year pictures today. He was nuts, wiggling all over the place and yelling over and over to hear his voice echo. Every time the photographer would put him in a position he would wiggle right out of it. She had to keep moving him every time she took a picture. I'm his loving and adoring mother and even I was ready to bonk him on the head by the end. I can only imagine what the photographer wanted to do. I think she was able to get some cute shots though. I'll go get the proofs tomorrow.

One funny thing, when we first when in to get the pictures done we saw that they had one of Joseph's old pictures up in their gallery. It's a really cute one where he's in his pj's hugging his Stitch stuffed animal. He thought that was pretty cool that everyone who came in could see his picture.

This afternoon Joseph asked me to play Legos with him then spent the next 10 minutes whining that I wasn't doing it right. I told him to stop or I wouldn't play with him anymore. He stopped for about 30 seconds then I heard him whisper under his breath "That's not the right way to do that, sucker." When I asked him what he said he tried to cover by saying "I said 'That's a nice thing to build, nice Mommy!'". Smooth.

I made paper yesterday and it was so much fun. I've been spending all day thinking about all the kinds of stuff you could put in paper for interesting effects. How do you think shredded wheat would look in paper?

Mary Jane Gravy

I was on the phone today and Joseph came running up to me and asked when his other Mommy died. I assumed he meant his birth mom so after I got off the phone I asked him what he meant. Here's how it went:
Me: Joseph, who were you talking about when you said your 'other Mommy'?
Joseph: My other Mommy, Mary Jane Gravy.
M: Who's that?
J: The other Mommy I had when I lived in Texas.
M: Where in Texas did you live?
J: Big Hills Mountain.

That was the end of that conversation but a while later I asked him to tell me the town he lived in in Texas again. Here's how that went.
Joseph: I lived in the North of Texas.
Me: What else do you remember about it?
J: I lived by a big hill. We had to go up and and back down it again all the time.
M: Why did you have to go down the hill?
J: I don't know. I was scared of it when I was little because I fell down it one time but then I got braver when I was bigger.
M: What do you remember about being bigger?
J: I was a coal miner.

That was the end of that. I tried to ask more questions but he just wanted to play trains. Here's a funny thing though. Joseph has told Jesse and I many times that he wants to visit Texas. Out of the blue he'll ask how long it takes to get there and if we can go there someday.

Is it just me or is all this kind of strange? I wish I could describe how he sounds when he says these things. It's just so matter of fact, like he was describing what he had for breakfast that morning. It's really kind of spooky.

Anybody? Hello?

Does anyone out there have some spare sushi that I can have? If you could just run it over to me I would really appreciate it. Thanks.

Beautiful and harmless

Joseph and I were in the baby's room/toy room today putting some stuff away and I asked him what he thought of the baby's crib. He said it was "Beautiful and harmless!" Then he expressed some worry that we didn't have blankets in it yet and offered to get one from his room. He's such a sweetie.

We made a bird feeder together today and afterwards Joseph wanted me to go away while he set up a suprise for me. After about 5 minutes he told me I could look and he had spread various kinds of playing cards all over the living room. He told me it was a "Hard Living Hard Working Bird Feeder Making Card Celebration" and that he had 3 games for me to play to thank me for making the bird feeder with him. Seriously, what do you even say to a kid who says stuff like that?

At least that's done

The crib has been put together and most of Joseph's stuff has been moved out of the toy room. We're going to have to get a new crib matress though so add that to the list of 8 million things we need to do before the baby comes. Ack! We're running out of time!

I am woman, hear me roar

We spent the past couple days at Grandpa Jim's cabin on the lake and it changed me. I am now a powerfu master and commander of all the creatures of the earth. That's right, I caught a fish. Several actually. I even caught a walleye but it got away. I baited my own hook and everything. I feel so alive!

I also feel sunburnt. We all got a little crispy with Jesse getting it the worst. Joseph was mostly ok because I pretty much coated him in an inch thick layer of sunscreen each time he went outside.

All in all we had a fun time. We managed to forget Joseph's suitcase at home and he had to to without all his bedtime books and stuffed animals. He cried for a little while but thankfully he was so tired that was able to fall asleep without much trouble anyway.

The best part of the whole weekend was when we fried up the fish we had caught and Joseph ate three pieces. He just sat down at the table and started eating like it was no big deal. No complaints, no arguments, no crying, just eating. We were pretty amazed. I think he was excited to eat the fish that he had caught. (He also helped to cook it by crushing up the crackers.)

Now I have to go because I've spent enough time poking around and I need to get some actual work done. We're putting the crib together today and I need to move some stuff around in the baby's room/Joseph's toy room first. I'm tempted to just sit on the couch for an hour or four first though.

Too cute

For the past half hour Joseph has been sitting on the couch with his DoodlerPro drawing and erasing and redrawing what he calls "maps". He wants to draw a map showing how to get from our house to Disney World. He told me he wants to give it to the "flighter" when he flies to Disney World. I think he means the pilot.

Whoops

Joseph and Jesse were in the backyard tonight playing football and they had a little collision. I guess they knocked heads while both going for the ball. To hear Joseph tell it though Jesse tackled him "in the eye". He's (Joseph) got a little bit of a shiner developing on his left eye now. Jesse's solution was to put a little tub of frozen sweet and sour sauce on it. I don't know, don't ask.

Thoughts

Joseph is such a special person. Of course he's also 5 and can drive me crazy like nobody's business but for the most part he's really an amazing little guy. When I think about how many things had to happen for him to come into our lives I feel beyond lucky that Jesse and I are blessed enough to be his parents. I don't know what we did to deserve it but I really do think that it was meant to be. He was supposed to be our son. I really believe that.

Anyone who knows Joseph knows what a great kid he is. He's funny ans sweet and smart and loving. But he's also somehting else that I can't find a word for. He can be so deep sometimes. When he's not being silly and hyper he can be so sensitive and ...... I don't know the word, connected maybe. He's an old soul, there's no doubt about that.

I think Joseph has a big purpose in this life. I think he has such a big impact on the lives that he touches and I think that will just increase as he gets older. There is something big in store for this kid, I just know it.

I know this all sounds sappy but I do have a point. As I get ready for our second baby I have to admit that I do occasionaly find myself wondering "How am I ever going to love this baby as much as I love Joseph? Is it even possible?". I know that's silly but there's so many unique things about Joseph that I find myself thinking things like "He's the best kid there ever was, no one will ever be able to compare to him!"

Now, having said that, there are a few things that I am looking forward to that I did't get to experiance with Joseph. I'm looking forward to looking at the baby and being able to see that she has my nose or Jesse's eyes. Everyone says Joseph looks like Jesse but I am looking forward to seeing who this new baby will look like.

I'm also looking forward to holding her for the first time and knowing that she's "mine". Of course when you care for a baby like we did for Joseph you can't help but love them but part of you has to hold back. We always thought Joseph could be leaving us any day. Several times we were told that he would be leaving us in a few weeks or a month or even a couple of days. (I once had some of his stuff packed up before they changed the plans again.) So even though we loved him we spent so much of his very, very early life kind of loving him ...... differently than we will with this new baby. It makes me sad when I think about it but then I cheer myself up by giving him a little extra loving to make up for it now. So I'm looking forward to having this baby be "mine" right away.

Anyway, those are my deep, rambling thoughts of the day.